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Today was a big day — I was officially accepted for a booth at the L.A. Times Festival of Books! I received the invoice this morning and made the prompt payment with the help of a short-term loan that I’ll pay back next month when my social security check arrives. It feels good to have something solid and positive to focus on — something bigger than just “not smoking.” Having this goal ahead of me — a real, tangible event where I’ll be selling my books and art — makes the cravings fade into the background. Every time the thought...

One of the biggest draws to 12-step programs and self-help groups is the sheer number of newfound friends. There’s something powerful about being surrounded by people who share the same goal—to quit a bad habit, find purpose, and build a better life. These friendships can create a real sense of belonging and hope. But here’s the tricky part—sometimes those same friendships keep us trapped. In many recovery groups, smoking becomes the “acceptable addiction,” a sort of consolation prize for giving up everything else. You might see people chain-smoking outside meetings, puffing away while preaching progress. And often, that “substitute addiction”...

Cravings are not a sign of weakness — they’re a sign that you’re still fighting. Every time I push through one, I get stronger. Every time I say no, I’m building something that no addiction, no habit, no peer pressure can take from me: will power. Modern psychology and 12-step philosophy love to tell us that our will is broken. “You’re powerless,” they say. But if I’m powerless, who’s making the decision to quit? Who’s walking past the store that sells cigarettes? Who’s writing this journal? The truth is, we do have will — maybe buried, maybe rusty, maybe battered...

Here we are, Day 5 — and wouldn’t you know it, Mr. Cravings is still hanging around like that annoying house guest who never takes a hint. You know the one — he shows up uninvited, eats all your snacks, and then pretend he's doing you a favor by keeping you company. That’s my cravings right now. Persistent, chatty, and absolutely overstaying his welcome. The good news? I’ve gotten better at shucking him off. When he knocks or rings, I just ignore the doorbell. But even when I don’t answer, I can still hear him pacing around on the porch....

So here I am, wrapping up Day 4 without a cigarette — and apparently, nobody cares anymore. The same people who were cheering me on a few days ago are already tired of hearing about it. They think quitting is as easy as saying, “Good job!” once and then moving on. Now, some of them are telling me to go to the gym — as if a treadmill will magically replace nicotine. I don’t even have a membership yet! Those same “helpful” nags who pushed me to quit are suddenly nowhere to be found when I’m actually doing it. The...