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I want to clear something up, mostly for myself. When I say my goal is to be smoke-free through April, I’m not secretly planning some cigarette-shaped celebration at the end of it. I’m not saying, “Hang on until April and then light up.” What I’m saying is simpler and more honest: the book fair in April is my next landmark, and I want to arrive there still not smoking. That matters. One of the most useful things I learned in the group at the Anaheim hospital was this idea of not collapsing everything into a single moment of failure. Quitting...

Last night was one of those family moments that feels like a small postcard you tuck away in your wallet. Mom, my brother, my sister-in-law, and I went on a dinner boat cruise. Calm water, food, conversation, the whole floating normalcy package. There was only one real temptation to smoke. Of course, it showed up right on cue. Before boarding, I went to the bathroom and saw a guy standing off in the corner of the parking lot, cigarette glowing like it was sending me Morse code. For a split second, I thought about asking him if I could buy...

Christmas Day hasn’t been great. Not terrible. Just… heavy. Mom was a little bummed out that more of her family didn’t reach out, and I could feel that disappointment sitting in the room with us like an extra guest who didn’t bring a gift. I sat there frozen in anxiety, staring straight ahead, craving a cigar like it was whispering my name from another universe. I did the right thing. I told her. Mom stepped in immediately and made sure I didn’t smoke. No lectures. No drama. Just quiet protection. That mattered more than she probably knows. On top of...

1.     Merry Xmas from the shelter… 2.     That’s a shitty tree! You ruined Christmas, Charlie Brown… 3.     He came in the most humble way so that he might be the king of both shepherds and kings He came to redeem everyone… 4.     Cut! Cut! Cut! 5.     What Dan??? 6.     Because you guys got it all wrong! Christmas isn’t about money and material items, nor is it about some hokey religious myth. It’s about family, friends, and love, seeing the people you don’t always see but sometimes care about the most. Giving them something, maybe something simple to show that you...

I’m not going to lie. Today was hectic, loud, tempting, and just plain exhausting. One of those days that tests you not with fireworks, but with a slow drip of pressure. The kind that whispers instead of shouts. And yes, I almost smoked. Several times. The afternoon was packed with medical business. Two imaging tests back-to-back, followed by a stop at the clinic where they were having a holiday party. On top of that, I had to pick up my meds. A full plate for anyone, let alone someone trying to keep their footing while walking away from a decades-long...