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Sometimes quitting smoking feels easy compared to navigating friendship, politics, and adulthood in a small hometown. Cigarettes may be gone, but awkward social moments? Still here like that last stale cigarette you forgot under the car seat. When I moved back in with Mom, it became clear that I needed something resembling a social life beyond the thrilling highlight reel of Mom, coffee, blog, breathe, repeat. So I looked up an old acquaintance, Vince Vaccher. Vince has always been supportive of my art — and also very supportive of political conversations that make my blood pressure sound like a techno...

When I first set out to quit smoking again, I knew I’d have to avoid temptation like the plague. That meant steering clear of people, places, and even memories tied to smoking. The last time I successfully quit — for eight years — I practically hid from it. And you know what? That worked. So it only makes sense that I’d do it again this time. It might sound extreme to some — avoiding the smell of smoke or dodging every situation that might trigger it — but what’s surprised me is how easy it’s become. When I walk down...

Today was one of those “Just Another Manic Monday” kind of days — therapy appointment at the clinic, a bit of reflection, and the ongoing battle to stay smoke-free. Mom drove me down, and I decided to open up to my therapist about the panic attacks I’ve been having lately. I expected a calm, clinical response — maybe a breathing exercise or two. Instead, he said, “Yeah, I used to have them really bad when I quit heroin.” I blinked. Heroin? This guy’s got a degree, a nice office, and a steady job helping others with mental health — and...

Today started early with a doctor’s visit, where I was officially diagnosed with having panic attacks. The doctor said they’re caused by stressors like overcoming cancer, moving, and quitting smoking — all at once. The advice was simple but powerful: distraction. Focus on something else when the breath gets heavy and the heartbeat races. That’s probably why drawing has worked so well for me; it pulls me out of my head and into creation. Then came the other stressor of the day — politics. I found out through the news that the government may be cutting off my EBT and...

Today was easy. I actually woke up in the afternoon feeling calm and relaxed. Mom made bacon and eggs—always a good start. Then we headed out to the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf for a little caffeine fix before checking out some sales at Best Buy. I haven’t gotten my exercise walk in yet, but I plan to before the day’s over. The real victory, though, is that I can’t remember any strong cravings or shortness of breath. It’s like my body’s finally starting to adjust to being smoke-free. My lungs feel clearer, my mind calmer, and the constant urge...