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Today started with me crawling out of bed like a man twice my age and half my energy. I chugged two glasses of pomegranate juice for the prostate cancer risk, followed that with three Starbucks mocha frappuccinos, a glass of milk, and some water… and then proceeded to barf all over the backyard like a malfunctioning garden fountain. Not my finest moment, but hey—honesty is the policy around here. My breathing was rough too, so out came the inhaler. After that, I reached out to an old friend to let her know I’m back in town. She didn’t sound thrilled,...

Today I woke up to a cold house, dragged myself into a shower, and headed to the clinic to get my medicine box filled—only to discover I already had everything. Lately I’ve been moving slow, like I’m wading through fog. Depression, for me, doesn’t show up as sadness or tears. It shows up as sloth. A heavy, dragging lack of motivation that takes real effort to push through. But here I am, still pushing. When it comes to fighting cravings, it may look like I’ve already won. Forty-one days is a big deal. But the truth is, the war isn’t...

Today was a dud dead day. No spark, no drive, no motivation… just me, waking up late in the afternoon, wrapped in cold sheets like a human burrito trying to avoid the world. Mom and I tried to fix the heater—tried being the key word. Then she headed off to Costco to fix her hearing aid, and I stayed home accomplishing exactly nothing. I thought about writing. I thought about drawing. I thought about thinking. But even my thoughts didn’t want to participate today. Absolutely nothing got done… except one thing: Another full day without smoking. It’s funny—on a day...

This afternoon I went grocery shopping with Mom, and Costco has already gone full Christmas Crazy. I’m talking crowds, carts, chaos, and enough holiday samples to feed a small army. It’s like Santa’s workshop collided with a Black Friday sale and decided to open early. And here’s the thing—this will be my first holiday season in a long time without smoking. I still get triggered when I eat, and the holidays are basically one giant eating marathon with decorative lights. So yeah… this is going to be an experience. But you know what? The fact that I walked through a...

Today I woke up with cravings — the kind that hit before you even sit up, the kind that remind you this journey isn’t over yet. And you know what? That’s okay. I realized something important this morning: I’m still going to have cravings for a while, and that doesn’t mean I’m failing. It just means I’m still healing. What helped was remembering how I faced Day 1 — strong, ambitious, determined, and honestly a little desperate. That fire is still in me. So instead of fearing the cravings, I stood up to them. Like, Hey, I remember you. You...