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Today I woke up with cravings — the kind that hit before you even sit up, the kind that remind you this journey isn’t over yet. And you know what? That’s okay. I realized something important this morning: I’m still going to have cravings for a while, and that doesn’t mean I’m failing. It just means I’m still healing. What helped was remembering how I faced Day 1 — strong, ambitious, determined, and honestly a little desperate. That fire is still in me. So instead of fearing the cravings, I stood up to them. Like, Hey, I remember you. You...

Today was huge. I officially got accepted for a booth at the LA Times Festival of Books. If you’ve been following this journal, you already know this event has been the carrot at the end of the cigarette stick—my reward for not smoking and my proof that I can turn this journey into something real, productive, and life-changing. So far everything has lined up beautifully.I saved the money by not smoking.I paid for the booth clean and clear.I’ve budgeted for books, transportation, and the whole weekend.April is looking brighter than ever. But let’s be real—success always invites a shadow.And that...

If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to navigate the American healthcare system while quitting smoking and battling cancer scares, let me give you the backstage tour—spoiler alert: it’s a maze with paperwork instead of walls. Lately, it feels like I’ve been seeing every doctor in Southern California. A dozen specialists, multiple tests, and almost all of them for one terrifying reason: cancer. Today my primary doctor finally explained why I’m on this statewide medical road trip. Apparently, nurse practitioners like to refer the difficult cases out—way out—to specialists. And let me tell you, mom and I have been racking...

If you’ve been following this blog, you may have noticed something I do at the bottom of many posts: I pitch for mental health awareness—but I don’t actually write mental health as a goal. People have told me I should. They say good mental health is what everyone should strive for. But here’s the truth I’ve learned the hard way: for many of us, “mental health” isn’t a finish line we can just jog across with a smoothie in one hand and a yoga mat in the other. For people living with schizophrenia, PTSD, bipolar disorder, OCD, or other serious...

Today I had a video appointment with my endocrinologist. He reminded me that there’s still a small chance the cancer may remain even after my thyroid removal surgery. We discussed possible next steps, including radiology, though it didn’t sound particularly beneficial in my situation. On top of that, I still face a slight risk of prostate cancer, which adds another layer of uncertainty. It makes me wonder—if cancer has shown up in one place, where else could it be? Those thoughts can creep in late at night, but I’m learning to keep them in check. What helps the most is...