Today was huge. I officially got accepted for a booth at the LA Times Festival of Books. If you’ve been following this journal, you already know this event has been the carrot at the end of the cigarette stick—my reward for not smoking and my proof that I can turn this journey into something real, productive, and life-changing.
So far everything has lined up beautifully.
I saved the money by not smoking.
I paid for the booth clean and clear.
I’ve budgeted for books, transportation, and the whole weekend.
April is looking brighter than ever.
But let’s be real—success always invites a shadow.
And that shadow is fear.
What if something goes wrong?
What if I get scammed?
What if the money falls through?
What if mom kicks me out?
What if my health drops again?
What if the house of cards collapses?
These thoughts come in loud and fast. They want to justify a relapse. They want to convince me that the only comfort I ever had—cigarettes—should be waiting in the wings for my weakest moment.
But here’s the truth I’m learning:
Reasons aren’t reasons to smoke. They’re just temptations dressed up like logic.
A good business doesn’t label something a loss—it calls it a lesson.
And I’m learning the same thing in recovery.
I can train my brain:
Optimism doesn’t have to be naive.
Pessimism doesn’t have to be destructive.
They can work together—hope and readiness.
And the big question… What if I smoke?
Then everything I’ve built collapses for real.
So let’s make that not an option.
Not today.
Not tomorrow.
Not even in the month of the book fair.
I’ve come too far, climbed too high, and proven too much.
I got this.
by Dan and Bonkers
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