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Today marks my second day without smoking. That might not sound like much to some people, but for me, it’s a milestone — the longest I’ve gone outside of a crisis center. I had big plans for the day, even thought about blogging early on, but life had other plans. Instead, I spent most of the day relaxing with my mom — and honestly, that was exactly what I needed. We even had steak together, which felt like a celebration in itself. I have a lot of projects in motion and plenty of goals ahead, but I also know the...

Today I checked my email and saw a notice to register for the LA Times Festival of Books. My heart jumped—this is the big one, the holy grail of book events for an author like me. Then I saw the price tag: $1,300. Reality hit hard. I asked my family for help, but it was understandably too much to ask. At first, I felt defeated. Then I remembered something important: I already have $400 in savings. If I stop spending on things that don’t serve me—DoorDash, impulsive social media ads, and the big one—cigarettes—I could save the rest in just...

Once we’ve quit—or even when we’re in the process of quitting—we face temptation and frustration around relapse. Nearly every addiction works this way. But here’s an interesting point: relapse usually isn’t random. It’s not like you just mindlessly pick up a cigarette. No, most of the time, there’s thought behind it. There’s planning. I learned this the hard way. Around this time last year, I was in a crisis center where smoking was strictly forbidden. It was an open facility, which meant we could walk off the grounds whenever we wanted. The rule was clear: if you got caught smoking,...

So while Mom was caring for me during my cancer treatment, My trouble making sister-in-law, Roz, called the police and tried to have me arrested for violating a restraining order. The irony? I was still in the hospital. Mom was upset — deeply upset — and canceled a dinner with Roz to let her know that what she did wasn’t okay. What did Roz do next? She threw a tantrum. She threatened to call the police on me again and pulled my sister, Cindy, into it. Cindy called Mom and chewed her out, defending Roz like I was the villain....

Tomorrow I go into surgery to fight cancer. The doctors are removing my thyroid, and while they say the outlook is good, the word cancer has a way of echoing in the back of your head like an unwanted song you can’t turn off. Here’s the part that makes me feel guilty: I’m still smoking. After all the warnings, after the diagnosis, after staring mortality in the face—those cigarettes are still finding their way between my fingers. Quitting sounds so simple when other people talk about it. Just stop. But when your brain and body are hooked, it’s like trying...