The Trials of Humpty Dumpty – Dan Joyce art


The Trials of Humpty Dumpty

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The Trials of Humpty Dumpty

by

Dan Joyce ©2022

The most difficult puzzle you’ll ever have to put together are the shattered pieces of a hard life.

Why do we pray for the sick?
Doesn't God want to heal them anyway?
Why did I die?
Sorry, guy you didn't get any prayers.

There’s been some nasty comments about me being homeless and I had to block them. For the record, I’m not homeless and I’ve never really been homeless. I bounce the system through various boarding homes and sober livings until something happens and I have to leave, usually my opposition to drugs in the environments. Because, I’m sober and don’t do drugs, I can do this. My family, however, has been trying to force me into homelessness and institutionalization to steal money I’m supposed to get from a will. They justify this cruel theft as tough love and recovering alcoholics and addicts defend this, because they still believe in this outdated practice and defend it.

I don't do drugs. Reality's a much bigger trip!

On my theme of mental health awareness, I don't like to tell people anything. I simply arouse discussion.

The constant cries for help
All in the name of love
Family

Fighting for mental health awareness is a much harder struggle than either you or I would think. I guess people just want somebody to blame for things they can't explain and look down upon for any reason. But to do it to a whole class of people who are struggling to fight their own battles and demons themselves has got to be some kind of sin, it's just wrong to me. You may never know what its like to have to justify such a basic principl as human equality as often and as frustrating as it can be. Our country was founded on a principle of equality and that just shouldn't happen, not here, not in America, not anywhere!

At the Fullerton Art Colony, women like Valerie Lewis and Destiny O. Labeled me a sexist for standing up for what I believe in, rights for the mentally ill. That’s actually quite far from the truth. Why would they do this? Because they wanted a target, a bad guy, a villain… and they found the age old remedy, mental illness. Reasons like this are why I stand up for such people. It’s sad that it has to be just me and a few other people, but the truth is that it’s a brutal battle and most don’t want to be bothered. Those that do, are often seriously afflicted by these illnesses and can’t do it themselves. Believe me, they like to break you down any time you stand up for what’s right. But I know them, I live with them, they are my housemates, my roommates and I deal with them intimately and we are commonly mistreated for it. Whether its not taking our medicines or you think the medicines aren’t working. Or you want us housing, but not on your block. Somebody has to say, enough!

I consistently put my work my art, writing and music on social media in a very vulnerable way, open and brutally honest. Yes some people are mad and they tell me off. I’ve learned to block them and not deal with them at all. They are not my fans nor are they my friends. But oddly enough the ones interested in my art aren’t the ones that like and comment. They are the ones who I keep watching and they keep watching me consistently put my work out there. They wait for a good deal on something they like and buy it without saying a word other than the purchase seemingly all doing it at once. I hit the lottery I wake the sleeping giant. They are the ones I am trying to entertain.

Happy 4th of July. We're in a free country. Act like it!

 

When You Can Hear the Music

CHORDS: D Am C G    later G C D

It’s been days since I’ve slept at night

And I haven’t shaved, I haven’t bathed

And my depression sinks me slow

That only the madness can know

And all is of disaster, horror and limited truth

Bears terror for what is true

When You can reach me

When you can hear me

When you can hold me close

The darkness only knows

And the music, the dreaded music

Hurts my ears and harms my soul

That only the wicked can know

I used to dream of daytime

I used to play piano

Now I’m lost to midnight

Can you, Oh can you fathom

So slowly days on end

Then when you least expect it

The music comes again

And it makes me want to touch you

And it makes me want to hold you

And I only want to love you

Making love as the music plays

When you can hear the music

When you can live the dream

When you can dance

When you can sing

When You can hear the music

Forever, the bells will ring

They say in Heaven there is always music

An eternal musical dream

When you can hear the music

When you can live the dream

When you can dance

When you can sing

Oh won’t you please

Hear the music with me.

The problem with not being married or having a girlfriend is that your best friend becomes a bitch.

So many people cheat the poor relying on the fact we can’t afford a lawyer.


One advantage I have being an older artist is a large body of work and a lifetime to show for it. I don’t just have a good portfolio, I have several.

No I'm not a good musician, I'm a terrible musician. Most people don't like it, but the rest Buy music from me.

Never trust instant friends nor instant family.

My goal for therapy is complex. I think outside of the box. I never fit in through the round hole of society. I keep giving you pieces to a puzzle I’m trying to solve myself. We have to get all these pieces and arrange them in order. Then we can put Humpty back together again. I’ve been trying for years. I don’t know what the final picture is going to look like. I just want to be the best me I can be. And I probably can’t as a scattered mess. But forcing the wrong pieces of the puzzle together or shoving the square peg through the whole until it breaks, isn’t going to work. I think that’s how this whole mess started. Do you get it now?

 

It doesn’t mean that Humpty is hopeless and can’t rebuild himself. It only says the king’s horses and king’s men couldn’t do it. Let’s give therapy a try and see if that works for him. It’s going to be difficult, but like a large puzzle, we can probably do it with a lot of patience.

… and if you’re into it, as much art and creative therapy as we can use to solve the puzzle. That’s the way I’ve been doing it so far for many years, but by myself and not using a therapist. Two minds are better than one. With your help, this is going to be a beautiful story, the story of my recovery.

As I write sections of the story, which will mostly be a journal with poetry, songs and short stories included, I can email them to you. Sometimes, your responses will be added to the text with your permission. We can invent a whole new kind of therapy. The poet, Anne Sexton, did something similar on request of her therapist and she is one fo the greatest feminist poets of the 20th century. However, the main focus will be that I heal and it’s your job to help me with that. This is gonna be a lot of fun.

As you see what the issues of the writings are, you will see what problems and solutions I have within and help me solve them. Eventually we will see the bigger picture and the main issue, but for now I’m kind of frustrated and confused, because there are so many. I’ve been using my art as self-therapy including my autobiography. With a good therapist helping, it will be a lot less difficult puzzle to solve. How I went insane and what I can do about it. What are my biggest symptoms? What is the best way to treat them? All to a storyline better than Shakespeare and even more beneficial to me.

The doctor had to send me to a specialist. It may be prostate cancer.

Mental Health Awareness is my cause. Cancer is most likely what will kill me. Mental illness you have to live with and what's ten times worse is the way people treat because of it. Even when you are in treatment.

I'm a guy that wants to die. I mean, if you don't believe I'm suicidal, just look at the way I smoke. But not yet, I still have something left to do and it's this book.

It may very well be that I live in fantasy so as not to cope with a harsh reality.

A man should never call another man a bitch. That's just sick shit we learned from hip hop artists who went to jail.

It's crazy the way some gaslighters lie. It's as though they believe themselves.

In my days we had Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, Sam Kenison I went to see them in concert and they’d all talk dirty. You don’t hear that good comedy anymore. Dirty joke is a lost art.

I got four shirts of mine today in the mail including my Britney Spears shirt. Yay!

When I was younger, if you had a lot of sex, you were a stud and a player. Now you’re labeled a predator because you’re looking for sex. Well, what am I supposed to be looking for? Find Waldo?


Someone stole my last can of chili. Now I have to eat TV dinners. I hate TV dinners, because I’ve had to live on them in the past. Eating TV dinners for me is like coming out of jail and having a bologna sandwich!

The Riddle of Perception

 

D: G Em C D

 

I saw a man was not a man was walking down my street

He says he knows me doesn’t know me never did we meet

He says he saw me never saw me in the papers and tv

You are obviously comfortable in your masculinity, because you're acting like a pussy.

He fights a cause is not my cause but fights it anyway 

He thinks he’s strong but really small insists upon his way

I thought I saw him never saw him not until today

 

It is by chance that at first glance I’ve known like him before

And entered home that’s not my home closing every door

For those who know me do not know me not now and not before

 

I then kissed my lover not my lover never meant to be

That although I know her I do not know her like my fantasy

I could accept her or reject her it’s all up to me. 

So if you meet these faceless chaps these people in a lapse

Just let them say but do not play in their misguided mishaps

It is for you a subjective truth and nothing more than that.

If I do pass soon from cancer, I want to be fearless and take it like a man. Live each day as though it were your last… Nah that’s too morbid. Live each day while you’re alive… That’s just saying the same thing. Live each day for a beautiful life… closer. Live each day fearing not to die… sounds like James Bond… Live each day as your own chosen life… Maybe? Nah that sounds cheesy like, All lives matter. Coming up with a meme can give me a headache.

I'm accused of being a sexual predator at my group home. Something that is difficult for any single man to defend. But they're using it as an excuse to threaten violence and the landlord is demanding money at my group home. The police will do nothing.

Stop trying to be the most intelligent person in the room. You will piss people off and they will all leave the room.

I don’t think Emily is right for you Dan. Look what happened with Jenny. She was nice.You are so manipulative Michael. First you tried to destroy my art career, then you tried to set me up with Jenny Prince. I love guys who make up their own morals. They make no fucking sense.

I want to find out what happens when you die. Is it eternity with a God maybe? Punishment? Reincarnation? or do you just disappear and cease to exist? That's what the scientists say.

If there’s no afterlife you will never know. You won’t be around anywhere anymore

In Pascal’s Wager, Pascal uses an old gambler’s formula to calculate four outcomes of afterlife based on whether or not you believe in God. The first outcome is that if you believe in God and there is a God, you go to heaven. The second being if you don’t believe in God and there is a God, you go to hell. And the other two outcomes are… Who cares? You’re dead!!!

Yes, but even that could be pleasant, no pain and suffering.  At any rate you can’t avoid it, you cane escape from it, you can’t hide from death. It is inevitable for all of us. BTW can I borrow fifty bucks?

I'm not challenging your intellect. You just like to argue. You think arguing a lot makes you smarter. No! It makes you unpopular!!!

The post-war existentialists thought death is absurd. But that is just the human mind passing judgement as absurdity in its own absurd perception and therefor tainted. What does death really mean, to a possible creator? To the universe? To me?

If I learned one thing from AA, it's that there's more to life than when you're drunk.

It is clear from the Paleolithic artifacts and from early civilizations like the Egyptian tombs and pyramids that without science, we really didn't understand death. So, we somehow came up with religion as an explanation. I don't understand women so I kind of worship them.

I don’t care for sports, football, basketball, etc… they all beat me up in high school. So, the Superbowl triggers my PTSD. I can watch baseball and enjoyed working at the stadium. When I was a boy, my father would take me out of church and drive me to Angel’s Stadium. He’d buy me a hot dog and we’d watch an Angel’s game. So, I am in that sense a sports fan when it comes to the Angels. If you can do that with the Yankees or the Dodgers, I’m your man!

I love art, music, poetry, theatre, acting, comedy, and I sold my soul for rock and roll. I truly believe they are saving my life. They also make pretty good jobs if you get good at them. They can save your life and get you food. Think about it. If you’re homeless and you have a guitar, you can put out a hat. If you have a pen and a sketchpad you can draw people’s portraits. Sounds too easy, but I survived a summer with no home literally living on Venice Beach one summer. We called it camping.

I like to date unless sex is too ambiguously in the picture. It complicates things too much. A good date to me is with a beautiful woman who makes me feel so wonderful, it doesn’t matter if she kisses me, has sex with me or not. She has already made my evening just by being there.

The twentieth century brought about bold revolutions in art. Anything new was a mastery, not the traditional portrait or scenic painting. However, they brought it to a point where they ran out of ideas. Art became anything and anyone could do it. It is beautiful. They wanted to destroy art, but really they just opened up the playground.

I’m glad you have a God. He sounds like a fucked up dude!

I like Britney Spears because she’s crazy like me. No, you like her because she has a hot body. That too, crazy and a hot body you’re the one for me!

If you go on my computer you might find porn. What kind of porn? Depends on what you’re into.

Social media to me is my own little world being overheard by a really big world.

I keep writing the same song over and over again trying to get it right.

There seems to be a small window between calm and angry. Zero to kill you in five minutes.A split second decision that could save your life.

I can no longer accept therapy from you based on an ethical difference. You leave your son homeless although he’s on drugs you refuse to allow him food. That is unethical. My family does that to me for being bipolar although there is no cure. I take my meds I stay sober, but I can never be perfect for them, and until then,they will harm me to the fullest extent like you do with your son.

The philosophy of Toughlove came originally from a 12 step cult called Synanon that was broken up by the police and the government for putting rattlesnakes in peoples mailboxes. Later the Toughlove camps were also closed down most of them because the children were dying. I don’t know that the organization Toughlove still exist. But I do recall on their website they claimed that everybody in jail had high self-esteem. I’ve been to jail and that’s not what I saw . I saw pathological people who had their esteem and their ethics beat the shit out of them.

You kick a little birdie out of its nest and it flies. That’s what the psychiatrist said. Tell him I’m 56 years old and I haven’t flown yet.

I get the tapes often often as I walk often as I ride the bus or sit on the bus stops. The tapes of my mother the tpes of shame the tapes of hostility the tapes of blame the tapes of hate.

I want to reinstate an old theory or thesis that mental illness severe mental illness is not caused by drugs or chemical imbalance in the brain as we have not yet found one. But the severe illnessed are directly related to child abuse.

 

 

Going Out

 

Sometimes I just want to go out

To places I like to go

That I never go alone

 

Be with all my friends

And be seen with a beautiful woman

When you make insecurities OK

 

And watch you smile

As you walk into a club

Or a dance hall or a show

 

And I feel like society loves me

And sees that together

We are beautiful

 

As she sings to a hip cool jazz

And we never went out before

I really don’t care if I kiss you

 

That’s not what this is all about

This is a dance of great culture

For a man from that part of town

I wanted to marry her before we even dated. I was confused. I'd never known the feeling of loving a woman and be the best of friends. Sadly, it was an unreqited love I'd somewhere in life failed to see. But if ever a couple who did not form such a relationship could be loyal and undying friends, clearly it was we.

  

I never tried in life. I had one bad fall and I gave up. Do your therapy, Dan, the only thing you have to lose is another book and some Obamacare to pay the bill. – Humpty Dumpty.

In a crucial moment of his career John Baldessari burned all his paintings and declared he was not going to make any more boring art. Recently my entire youtube channel containing 551 videos was accidentally deleted and I say, I'm not going to make anymore raving crazy videos.

People who tell you to do art just because you love it don't want to have to pay for your paintings.

The artist's log - slow to start, quick to create.

More threats of violence and intimidation in a group home. The police cannot nor will not do anything about it.

I've been out of AA long enough to have a last name.

Going to a bar and having one drink is like taking one dollar to a strip club.

In early adulthood in the 80s you’d have to go to a bar have a couple drinks and build up the courage to talk to a woman. Nowadays you have to do nothing and the woman come to you.


I've been having recurring dreams about an ex-girlfriend, Michelle. They can be softly romantic. What do you think it means?

Probably that you are still in love with her.

That's it. You make $100 an hour to prescribe me pills and tell me when I'm in love?

Pretty much. Why don't you look her up?

It’s been years since I’ve seen her, but she’s always been beautiful. I wonder what she’s been up to. 

Welcome to America’s Best Middle-aged Top Model

I’,m Tyra Bands and these are our lovely and final three constestants. 
Pamela Anderson, Cindy Crawford and Michelle.

We are at our new question and answer beauty contestant segment.

Pamela, what if you mix red and yellow on a color wheel, what color do you make? 

orange.

Cindy, What animal is used to represent the Republican Party. 

the elephant

...and finally Michelle. In computer programming, a pointer is used to reference a certain location of memory located in the computer's operating system. Can you give an example of a high level programming language that uses such a command? 

huh? 

I’m sorry Michelle. That is clearly the wrong answer. You have been on eliminated clear your stuff and go home

Waaah!

Michelle, it’s me! Dan.

Shut up!

Let’s see! Why do we got here? Prozac, Xanax, methadone, and one for the road! Quick we got to go to Nordstrom! Come on!

What’s at Nordstrom?

Shopping!

Michelle, you can’t buy your way out of depression.

Watch me!

Hmm these shorts are small and tight… WHAT ARE YOU DOING???

Nothing

Why are you looking at me like that?

I’m admiring you, after all, I’m your old boyfriend.

That doesn’t mean you get to look!

But Michelle!

Shut up! We gotta find See’s candies

Eating’s not gonna help either.

Shut up!

…and finally a nice bottle of cognac, with some sweet sativa… relaxation therapy. So what brings you by Dan? 

Ah! Nothing. I gotta go now.

Bye.

 Sometimes we just need to shuck it off and get back to business... bothering people to buy my stuff.

It may seem childish and over ambitions that I'm constantly recording songs on my laptop, putting them on Spotify, making videos on Youtube or writing and illustrating comic books with my iPad self-publishing them, but really it makes sense. I learned how to do all this stuff in college and I keep studying it so that someday I might get a job as a designer somewhere using all the current softwares. College was a dream and my dreams were shattered, but never my spirit or my heart.

Chords: verses: F C G, bridge: D C G, chorus F C G

Mikalena 

If you dreamed a dream tonight

Take it one day at a time

Walk with pride and hold your head up high

 

Don’t nobody want to say goodbye

Don’t nobody want to say goodnight

 

You are so beautiful to me

I’m sorry that I stare at what I see

Soft and subtle simple peacefully

 

Don’t nobody want to say goodbye

Don’t nobody want to say goodnight

 

And all night long

All night long

I sing you song

All night long

 

All night long

All night long

All night long

 

One day we’ll have that dream of mine

Dance in heaven and touch the sublime

Everything is beautiful and fine

 

Don’t nobody want to say goodbye

Don’t nobody want to say goodnight

 

All night long

All night long

I sing your song

All night long

 

All night long

All night long

All night long

 

Mikalena

Mikalena

Mikalena

There are strict and structured approaches to art and poetry. But, if you put too many rules on them you're not doing it right!

Being the summertime, in a group home,everyone is fighting over the fan. I’ve got fans, but they buy my art.

One of the problems Ellen Degeneres had coming out as a lesbian on her show was that she had such a clean cut home style image. I wanna go to Ellen’s book study reading. Uh oh! It’s gay!

My philosophy emphasizing the driving human instinct of empathy stems from my belief that people are basically good. It’s an old and well known theory, but sadly not very popular anymore.

Bill Wilson’s womanizing and chain-smoking never really bothered me. There were great men in history who had just those kind of problems. Look at John Kennedy. Even Gandhi slept around if you can imagine it. 

Oh thank you my love! 

We can’t ignore a great philosophy of altruism based on the wrongdoings of one or two men. 

 

If you’re remembered as a philosopher, won’t people discredit you for being insane?

Yes but let them that’s their ignorance not mine.

There are so many bad people in the world. My artist peers don't have to be among them.

  

I was getting a lot of people in my Facebook groups from foreign countries speaking foreign languages. I had set up the groups just to post my art and music and stuff videos you know. And still because I wanted people to see them a lot of people were. So I came up with fantasies about going there and meeting them. It’s obvious though that I know very little about other countries and other cultures, but it’s still fun to write and they’ve become very popular. All around the world even based from my bedroom in a mental health group home. Would I like to go to other countries and meet people from other cultures that are important? Yes I think everybody would and that’s the fun of what I’m writing. 

I made this album, I Saw Jesus Making Pancakes, about seeing God in a pancake. But also because every good church has a pancake breakfast. You don't even have to be religious to go. You just have to like pancakes.

I got them to watch the videos. Now they are going to the product page. Next get them a gogo to the checkout cart!

I think more highly of my enemies than I do of my friends.

Art is a universal language

A warning sign of paranoia is that you start connecting the dots. You think so and so is talking to so and so and wonder what’s being said. You try to get eyes in the back of your head and in doing so, you only make the matter much worse.

 

My goal as a screenwriter will be to include philosophy and deep thought, not just tell a story. I want to message in all my writings. I want to bring meaning back to the movies and we don’t really have that anymore.

When I went to AA, they blindly told me to get a God or a faith, so I spent a good deal of my adult life studying Christianity and a few other religions, I went to churches, read the Bible and other spiritual books… I found that these mean nothing when it comes to individual character. Good people are going to do good things and bad people do bad. It doesn’t matter if they have a rosary in your hand or a switchblade. Saying you have God isn’t going to stop you from doing what you will ordinarily do.

Thomas Jefferson had such a great influence on the Constitution, The Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights, I often wonder if he thought his assertions would all come true someday or if he just thought, Damn! I’m a great writer and this sounds good!

in a talented career it’s better to have a woman in a relationship who seeks fame herself. Too many women see it as ego and a distraction to the relationship as though you have another love and you do.

I’m sorry I got upset about the review
It just panicked me because
it all happened at the last moment
And that I had been planning for it
Even though it wasn’t promised.
What you did write was really
Cool and accurate even in
A way I hadn’t thought of before.
While you don’t usually finish my books
I always give them to you knowing
You give back such an insiteful input.
I hope you don’t judge me for my
Bad behavior. A lot of people do
But knowing me for my art, music and writing
We both know there is much more
Of greater meaning from gettting
To know me better.
I have always liked you Jesse
You have never given me a reason not to
I hope you will continue to see me similar
And that we can always be friends
And do business. I’ve never told you
That when my father was alive
He liked to help run my business
Go out of his way to meet everyone involved
And let me know who he though was a crook
And who had my best interest in mind
And while you never knew my dad
He would have thought highly of you.
Ttyl
DAN

Dan on your political agenda, Donald Trump would like to meet you for dinner in Mar-a-Lago and talk to you about mental health awareness to support his campaign for presidential candidate of the Republican Party.

OK just tell him I don’t eat seafood.

 

So Dan, what is mental illness? I mean everybody’s crazy. People think I’m crazy. What do you think do you call me crazy too? I’m not crazy there the ones that are crazy.

Well actually it’s many illnesses with many different causes. The fact that we don’t see reality isn’t always true like I know I’m here with you. And there are many causes that we’re not really sure of but seem to be mainly genetic chemical and environmental. For example schizophrenics tend to be the barn with it while people with PTSD had traumatic experiences.

So what are you saying I’m crazy?

Well, people have have said a lot of things about you in that area. For example they call you a narcissist but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re pathological just may be bigoted. I am to being a famous artist in my head.

Well then what am I?

You seem to be a special case I’ve talked to some experts and we feel you have a mental illness all of your own we call it Donald Trump Disease. It’s characterized by a big ego with a inflated desire for sex, money and power. Few people have it, but for some reason it’s common in rats.

OK Dan you’re fired!

No, you can’t do that here this is dinner not a TV show back to reality Donald!

So if I support you then. Then you support me and I get your followers as votes. Is that the deal?

Yes but I’m hesitant to back your philosophies on ethnicity.

Are you calling me a racist?

Look at the facts Donald, the wall to keep Mexicans out, backed by the Ku Klux Klan, calling out the prop proud boys international debate,. I’m honest I like a lot of what you talk about. I like a fight for freedom of speech because I’m an artist. I like your goal for a better economy and more jobs and we all believe you can do it because you’re a businessman yourself. It’s just some of the things you’re saying I’ve never flown with anybody.

What are you trying to say?

Drop the racism dude. I mean I like you I understand you and I kind of think like you. But that’s not gonna cut it. You’re a wonderful entertainer I watched every episode of the apprentice except celebrity apprentice. And you have a beautiful daughter. I’d like to work with her and put her in some of my stories and music videos I think she’d be kind of fun to meet. 

What? You’re hot for Ivanka?

Well no, but Kinda sorta maybe.

Well that’s a man after you my own flair good taste in women. I can count you have my support. Do you know I was a ladies man back in my days?

We know.

I’ve always typically voted Democrat. I was going to vote for Hillary Clinton but the cleaning lady at the boarding home threw out my absentee ballot. Then when Biden came in the race I voted for him but I’m not sure that I still believe in his policies. It’s like the two political parties have flip-flopped. Things we used to believe in as a liberal, Freedom of speech against censorship like we get on social media, or opposing war at all costs are no longer clearly on the platform. And a lot of Republicans seem to be saying stuff like the liberals used to say. It’s kind of like freaky Friday but for political parties. I don’t think we’re new to this. I think it’s just something every generation has to go through, the complete reversal of ideals. Inevitably we have to rely on our own beliefs and not let some power stricken force dictate them to us.

Feminist is like a political party of its own. Unlike the LGBTQ who don’t go whining about how we wanna fuck them all the time. In fact they have to convince us that they don’t wanna fuck us.

There’s more to art and music than just a lottery ticket. Most of us give up somewhat on the desire and expectation for fame and fortune. There’s more to it than that. You sell someone a guitar you’re not just selling them a bunch of scratchers to lose all their money. You’re selling them a walk and a way of life to journey their creative path. And that’s not a gamble. We get it!

I like resolution. I like it a lot in life and in art. I don’t want my career to leave things unsaid and leave people questioning what I meant or where I was going with it. I want to leave them with answers. I don’t like people who don’t forget or don’t forgive.Politicians do that with a lot of white Ifs or when wills. But I don’t think you could build a whole political platform on problems you can’t solve.

For years art has been a way of problem-solving. We work out difficult issues by making them concrete in say a painting or song. For me I use it psychologically to treat own illness. For example, if I keep pumping out paintings or recording songs one right after another rapidly I know I’m falling into a mania.

Then you stop?

No I keep painting it’s great!!!

That’s me signing out for the night. 200 mg of trazodone are about to kick in. Hope all is well with you and you are well with all! Good night

 

 


I’m Sorry

 

Chords:  D A E

 

I’m sorry that I told you that you’re beautiful

I’m sorry that I loved you this whole time

But I’d rather be the fool who can’t find love

Than be the one who has to pass it by

 

The years we’ve spent together have been wonderful

I’ve learned so much and want much more in life

But sometimes you say goodbye to something meaningful

And let the good Lord’s wisdom pass us by

 

Love takes a price

From everything it touches twice

It’s time to play much naughtier than nice.

And never letting me love you was bad advice

 

I’m sorry that the world is God forsaken

I’m sorry that I cuss when I tell a joke

I’m sorry that I look at you and want you

I’m sorry that you never opened up

 

But how the Hell am I not supposed to notice?

That in and out you’re beautiful to me

And didn’t you ever look at me looking at you

Is that the way you turned the other cheek

 

I’m sorry that I ever tried to love you

I’m sorry that you are my fantasy

But now I have to burn the bridge behind me

And there will never be a you and me

 

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry

I’m sorry

 

Why do you smoke so much when you know it will kill you.

That’s why I do it. I want to die.

What??? Why  do you want to die?

People don’t like why I’m so friendly or want them so desperately to be my friends. Not too long ago I had nothing, I was literally riding on homelessness and pounding thoughts of suicide. Worst of all there was no one I could turn to. I was friendless. I’d been pushed around and beaten down so badly by family and finance and everyone else,I had no one and I was friendless. So, when you’re friendless, you want everybody and anybody to be your friend. I hope you all can understand now and if you are desperate and feel hopeless and lonely and need a friend, consider me there.

How to remove all 12 steppers from your friends list. Don't let them share and block them!

I know I'm pushy for the money, but I need the aid. No safety net just takes me near homeless and breaks me. And it's obvious to me and everyone else, you and the family break me! I don't know the money situation, you never let me see it. But Pat said I had money, Aunt Bev said I"d be cared for. Dad said it would be like a pie with a stipend and you said the same thing. Mike said I wasn't getting money and he's seeing I don't out of shear cruelty. You call me greedy, but I'm broke. However it's clear that someone's greed is doing this to me. Like I said, I can't know the money situation because I can't see it. But it is clear that you and Mike found a loophole in the inheritance so I don't get it. Especially when I am desperate and broken from all this and I need it!

I want to see what happens after your dead. Do I go to heaven, Nirvana or just disappear? I picke door number four.

 

I first started drawing with color pastels on newsprint and right off the bat people liked them. Guests of the family would often request to go in my room to see them where they hung all over the walls. My friends and I used to like to smoke pot and look at them, especially the colors. You can say throughout my life illicit drugs influenced my art in a pleasing way. And while I’ve been clean and sober most of my adult life, my drawing and painting references those drug trips. However, I do not recommend this approach to anyone. The damage I did mentally and psychologically from those drugs have been one of the biggest hardships of my life and as such suffering goes for me, I clearly did it to myself.

One test of my sobriety comes in the galleries because artists like to drink a lot. It does make sense though, artists struggle artist starve. They have to live on something. Why not wine?

 

I draw, I paint, I sing, I write, make music… I’m a renaissance man, a dilettante… I love the arts. I wouldn’t understand life without them. Sometimes the world is difficult. You gotta make up one of your own.

I have a great respect for activists of all kinds. You have to protest you have to push the limit you have to get your voice heard and what better way to exercise our American rights and freedoms than complain about the government. We shall overcome!

Mental Health Awareness - today’s topic - Roseanne

When I painted my series I did my research on famous mental health info most subjects had one or two diagnoses. Roseann had nearly a paragraph. Stemming from PTSD eating disorders bipolar disorder even the memories of an abusive childhood that we don’t even doesn’t know happened and may not have happened or even beaccurate. However she’s been a great Hollywood celebrity controversial at times but always with a good heart and intent to be funny. Her famous marriage to Tom Arnold, a less popular comic, ended in serious bouts of substance-abuse on both parties and an inability to handle success and fame. Her TV show lasted for years and came back on cable later for her support of former president Donald Trump. Not a choice everybody liked. But still through sitcom‘s talk shows and standup she remains an extremely craft entertainer and an inspiration in many ways.

Our country of freedom of religion is legally leading us towards no religion and no independent thought whatsoever, through safe spaces hate blaming we’ve represented our free thought nearly entirely to ourselves. I think that capitalism has lead us to a situation where our religious, spiritual and philosophical organizations that are just based on money. I don’t think socialism is the answer, I feel that is all black and white polarize thinking. It’s not that just a few should get the money or that all should try to share the money. I think there is a third option where we simply set the money aside and share with each other who we are independent of economy.

 

Roseanne pissed off and offended the entire nation when she walked onto a baseball field grabbed her crotch and and sang the American flag out of tune. I don’t want to say I think that’s funny, but like Roseanne, I know what it’s like to be extremely manic making a joke I think it’s funny that offends everybody and pisses everybody off. I will probably do that to a lot of people with these books.During those times I have to make an apology several times really really fast! I think we should let our comedians be comedians and try to entertain us knowing they have fault. Roseanne is still a talented actress and comedian and I appreciate her for coming into our homes in our TVs with a warm heart and sharing her message to us all

 

Another thing Roseann did was make an inappropriate joke referring to a black politician has planet of the apes. I can’t say but it was obviously I’ll intended. I haven’t touched on the issue of racism much, but let’s say it’s a very touchy subject. The blacks I have known in my life, some have been my dearest dearest friends, have all seemed extremely sensitive about any reference to race at all. Offensive or not. Most seem to feel I don’t know what I’m talking about when it comes to bigotry. But with my condition I know prejudice and discrimination very well. I’ve been laughed at humiliated, marked, beaten in bullied, run out of town and fired for something I was probably born with. I don’t think the black community knows the great precedent they made  by being the first true civil rights movement and the mother of those to follow. I love all my black friends, processor stood by me and stayed with me for years. I don’t think they realize how much I like them, how much admire them, and sometimes even want to be like them. God bless this great country and we can all learn and grow from that that. May we all come together with our causes and not far each other against ourselves.

But you can’t just say I’m crazy so I can do these things and get away with it.

For starters I wouldn’t say that. I wouldn’t use language like that. Words like crazy insane and psycho are part of our vocabulary and maybe should be there. But when you use them 15 times and every paragraph over and over while you’re talking to me it’s going to have a bad effect it’s like teasing a fat person it may seem playful but it still hurts and it’s wrong.

My life has been a disaster, a hardship. If anybody learns anything from my story, it’s that it shouldn’t happen again!

The Satellite Earth

The world is a cancer” wrote Henry Miller. I seek to redefine, I smoke to redefine, I kill the czar, I kill capitalism, I kill Christ to redefine. Who is the angered soul? Who smokes Marlboro discount cigarettes to shed his fat… Who loves to love his lovers, who loves to redefine, who compromises his standards, who lack morality, who paints her nude and posts her, who sings her love songs and writes her verse. Why does she so question who cannot love seeking virtue? Who lay in bed and used for sex and prides me her companion. I tell you this there is no God but madness and madness rules the world.  I felt a tear fall near the battered foul seeking comfort by Laguna Lake. The blue gill pond polluted. The child force-fed her pollution vomit on the floor. I never ate fish again. We are a cancer, we are dying, the satellite earth.

 

We are castaways lost here left here on the Satellite Earth

Like rats we pollute ourselves until we can no longer breath

Global Warming is a joke? Factories, manufacturing robots

To replace the proletariat, common man controlled by

Pirates of the dollar. Adam can you hear me? What was your sin?

The pigs of Maseilles guillotined to Stalin from the Czars

Jefferson to Nixon. Who killed Kelly Thomas?

They meet in corners, pot smoke and newspapers to convict

The police. Children wail desperately tear gas and billy club

We are rebirthing the Viet Cong. In the killing fields of suburbia.

There is no peace in our world. I love you.

 Insanity is the only way I can look at the world. Otherwise it doesn’t make any sense.

Success as an artist is not being better at it than you. It's being better at it than ever before.

There are certain things you shouldn't speak of or write about. I'm still trying to figure out which ones.

You have a very smooth assertive way of speaking. It's very persuasive. Everybody else yells at me!

In the House of God

 

I came home crying every day

Yes, she was very mean to me

I tell my doctor to this day

The memories of fraud

 

I think about it day by day

How I was to lose my faith

Yes, Jesus left me in that m

 

It may leave you in awe

 

My teacher yes, she was the one

Into the closet at the Catholic school

Was where it happened such a fool

To think it nothing and be gone

 

In the years it came to be

My psychiatric history

The alcohol the drug story

In institions I stayed in

 

She put her hands into my pants

And touched my genitals

How often I can’t guess at that

She wasn’t very gentle

 

You may believe. You may have faith.

Call me a liar to this day.

But, you’ll find it strange, you’ll find it odd

What happens in the house of God.

The letter was not the tax return check. It was announcing that I won’t be getting as much as I’d expected. All the money will be going to pay off debts and pay the security deposit here. You didn’t give me money this year. I moved out in October and you gave me the painting in December. I went to the best auction houses online and $4000 was all I could get. I sold it on ebay and the customer showed me other similar paintings for the same price. It’s good that you want to help with my medical expenses, but they are already covered by Brand New Day. True, my teeth are chipping and falling out, but what is more important is my security, it’s not working out for me in these group homes. And you are providing no safety net or bailouts. I know you won’t admit it, but your actions seem to want me homeless and possibly even dead. Please reconsider what you are doing. I have no intention of moving in with you. You just wait till I disagree with what happened with the money, then call the police and make me homeless or jailed. You own property, I’m your son. There is no excuse for you to make me homeless, other than your own spite and hatred of me, but that seems to be an ongoing pattern with you all my life. Think about what you’re doing, because at this point I don’t want to live and you do nothing to stop that.

I post in countries most likely to buy my art, books and music. I also post in third world countries, because they seem to enjoy my work and I enjoy sharing it. Not everything has to be for profit and there’s more of a population in these third world countries to spread my word to. So, if you want a strong fanbase just start sending your songs to China.

Schizophrenia is a common and crippling mental illness. It affects nearly 5% of the population from adolescence on up. It is often characterize with serious symptoms such as hallucinations, paranoid and suicidal ideations as well as grandiose delusion. Today we’ll be talking with Dan Joyce, an admitted sufferer of schizophrenia and a mental health advocate himself and his imaginary friends the unlikely prophet and his ex-wife Ms. Prophet. 

This is a safe place to talk about hard things. Today on Dr. Phil… 

Ms. Prophet what is your main beef with this whole situation?

 

The frickin’ grandiosity of my ex-husband, the unlikely prophet. He doesn’t work or pay the bills, no alimony, he never comes to visit and he gets out of any financial respsiblitlies simply by saying he doesn’t exist. He doesn’t existI I wish it were that easyI I wish I could do that, I'm sorry VISA/Mastercard, I can't pay you... I don’t exist… 

 

unlikely prophet how does that make you feel? Does that bother you what she’s saying? 

Nah! She just wants money. Everybody does, you know… 

 

Ms. Prophet? And he doesn’t praise Jesus… What kind of prophet is an atheist? He says we get our morals from evolution… WTF? Money business that’s all he is… Monkey business!

 

 Dan, what do you think about what they’re saying? 

 

It just makes me sad, having this whole disease. I mean you get held back, everyone grew up and got jobs and careers, married and had a family and I get a medicine cabinet and groups. People don’t understand what they do to us. We just want o fit in and be one of the gang, part of the tribe, but it never really happens. They find out your schizo and you’re out. 

How does that make you feel? 

 

Badly, it gets so bad I want to take my life… 

You have thoughts of hurting yourself? 

Yes, always 

 

Are you having those thoughts right now? 

Yes, I told you, they won’t go away 

Do you have a plan? 

 

Usually, its to overdose on medicine or shoot myself with a gun. 

 

Well, Dan. We’re sending you to Cedars Sinai medical center to the psychiatric ward where you’ll be able to get some rest, watch movies with cookies and juice and go to groups for therapy. You’ll be legally held there for three days on what’s called a 5150, while we adjust your medicine so hopefully these thoughts can go away. Well, it looks like these nice officers are here to escort you now.

"What?"

 

I wanna thank everyone for coming out here today and taking into considerations that just because you can’t see someone’s disability doesn’t mean they don’t have one. I can’t imagine what it would be like going through life with constant psychosis and even thoughts of taking one’s own life. The unlikely prophet and Ms. Prophet thank you so much for being here, you obviously love and care about him so much and I admire both of you for it. If I had imaginary people pestering me in my head all the time, I would want the both of you to be the ones to do it. Thank everybody for jointing and come back next time for more Dr. Phil.

 A scribble is more expressive than a square - My rule of thumb.

If we have a conflict that separates us, then it's possible we can have a resolution that brings us together.

So for every year, I give myself an art project to find new ways to profit from my business. This year I made and sold my book, Have You Taken Your Meds? My autobiography as a psych patient and it did ok at signings, I made a few hundred dollars. However, I also paid a publicist to get on major news sites and lost a bunch of money. So, now I know not to do that again. The year before that I painted 50 known famous people from modern times and history, who had mental illnesses and put them all in a gallery. I did really well, a couple thousand dollars, but some of the paintings were stolen and not all the customers got theirs. 

If you'd like, I'll have a drink with you, but I won't participate in hard drinking. I did too much of that in my younger years and the alcohol made me do things I wouldn't ordinarily do... like make a baby!

Next year I want to go to Comic Con and Wonder Con with my books. I’m working on some  really good graphic novels and they’re showing a lot of interest online. The problem is not only funding this is difficult, I can’t find online where to go to even apply. I will also have to take a small business loan and I know nothing about those. I plan to ask for advice from my landlord so I don’t get a crooked deal. I am, however, getting loan offers online and on the phone all the time. So I should have a pretty good choice

If anybody knows anything about Comic Con, Wondercon and business loans, please comment or message me so I can get started planning right away. Wonder Con is in Spring and Comic Con is in summer so I have some time.

Bansky is an anarchist. He’s opposed to wealth and fame in the art market and he’s trying to destroy it anonymously. But some of us want wealth and fame. We work hard for it and we deserve a shot at it. Artists work hard for that and it’s the artist’s dream. We don’t need to be knocked down by someone who obviously has more talent than any of us putting us out of the race.

Many younger artists approach me and ask if I will work with them. However, they usually don’t want lessons in art or a disciplined approach. Instead they tend to want my connections. How to get into a gallery, etc… But I do take them seriously and suggest that they draw every day. But they always refuse to do it saying they will draw when they feel like it or when the moment is right. So while they’re sitting around loafing on the couch waiting for an inspiration to come, I keep pumping out art.

 

It’s hard to form and maintain a relationship just texting somebody, but it can be done. That’s what they do in jail they write letters to the girls in the girl jails and become It’s hard to form and maintain a relationship just texting somebody, but it can be done. That’s what they do in jail they write letters to the girls in the girl jails and become penpals. Then when I get out… It’s Bonnie and Clyde, Bang! bang! bang! Pow! Pow! Pow!. Then when I get out… It’s Bonnie and Clyde, Bang!bang! bang! Pow! Pow! Pow!

Lately people have been calling me a true artist. It’s flattering, but that’s the true scotsman fallacy. If you draw, paint, write, dance, act, sing… your’e an artist. There’s no external requirements. There’s no, you have to be this tall to ride the ride. You’re an artist, period.

I had my first happening of Coffee Cult Poetry Readings tonight, small crowd but we had fun!

The Music and the Muse

 

CHORDS: C G F

 

Shaved and leaving early in the morning

Getting coffee at the corner store

Thinking bout you want to make a painting

Everybody’s wanting to see more

 

I am the music

You are the muse

I do it through you

You do it too

 

Everybody wants to get off early

Everybody wants to see them game

Everybody wants to win the lottery

I just want to see you just the same

 

Everybody thinks that you are crazy

Everybody thinks that I’m fool

Everybody thinks that I’m a communist

Everybody wants to make the rules

 

I am the music

You are the muse

I do it through you

You do it too

 

Do you really want to be a rich girl?

Do you really want to take it slow?

Whatcha gonna do to get it over with?

Do you want to wait till we get old?

 

I am the music

You are the muse

I do it through you

You do it too

 

I am the music

You are the muse

I do it through you

You do it too

 

The music and the muse

The music and the muse

The music and the muse

The music and the muse

If all we have is a dream, then let us dream it.

 Ooh! I’m the unibomber… hello internet and YouTubers around the world. This is deep thoughts with Dan Joyce…

So, I have a problem that every once in a while I run into a woman that likes me that’s got it together that’s a good woman that’s a nice woman that’s… I’m not sayin’ that, I’m not sayin’ that the women I date and have sex with aren’ t good women or that they’re not nice women. I’m sayin’ that… well… ya gotta think ya gotta not have a lot of good moral values to wanna fuck me! And so I… I mean… I… I’m not sayin’ well… ya know… They need love, the women I have sex with, they need a lot of love, because most people I guess find them unlovable and not only unlovable but low self esteem too they tend to have low self esteem… they don’t think highly of themselves to suck my cock, believe me! But I give them love to the unlovable and also morals… I try to talk to them about Jesus a little bit after she sucks my cock and say you should think about what Jesus would do… Would Jesus suck a cock? We don’t know. It’s never recorded in biblical history, but maybe… maybe you should think a lil’ and also nobody wants them! They tend to be women that nobody wants ya know not that they’re not pretty, but they’re just horrible horrible people… they do bad things they steal they ho they sleep around and they’re not nice to their parents they don’t listen to their parents. They need to be spanked a lot, the women I date. The women I date need to be spanked a lot Whoo Whoo Whoo! Spank you! Spank you! Spank you! You bad bad naughty naughty girl! So, when I get a good girl, I really don’t know what to do. Just get rid of them! Use them, dump them and throw them out to the trash! It’s a good life.

POLICE!!! OPEN THE DOOR!!! OK Buddy, you’re coming with me!

you have the right to remain silent and I suggest you do!

This is Anderson Cooper with CNN. I am here at the supreme court for the appeal of a First Amendment trial against Dan Joyce. He’s many allegations against his claim of artistic freedom include obscenity, copyright infringement of personal character and … blasphemy! Blasphemy? Am I reading this right? What fucking century are we in? Wait! Here comes Dan now. He’s about to approach to microphone and speak to his audience.

 

In the history of our nation, Many men have fought against this country and lost. Likewise many men have fought for this country and lost. Today I intend to fight both sides and win!

 

Hear ye hear ye the state obscenity trial against Dan Joyce court is in order let the hearing begin!

 

Dan Joyce why do you think your joke was funny or not you had to know there will be consequences of your freedom to speak. Why would you say some of those things?

 

I’ve been upset. I have a lot of frustrations writing my journals and books from people I know about, situations I talk about, and philosophies and causes that have indoctrinated me all of my life. It was creating legal threats against me for writing my journals and books and memoirs and sharing with people. I was getting hassled by social media for promoting my memoirs in a book have you taken your meds? That appeals to other mentally ill people like myself.

We know social media engines are collecting data on all of its users to connect businesses to their customers and get the right people to the right product they would probably buy ordinarily or may more likely be interested in and I support that. But what about little businesses like me? This kind of censorship that everyone is getting in the modern age we often joke about as Facebook jail.  Now let’s put this in perspective. In a recent election, Vladimir Putin was able to hack the private information of many of our citizens that had been collected on social media routinely. And as a result put his candidate in office. 

 

Let me further my case. Say I have a bake sale at the church, I want to invite other religious people to buy my cookies, I can’t specify Christians, Catholics, or faith of any kind in an ad or paid announcements. What the hell is that? I can’t advertise a Christian bake sale or write the story of my life, but I Russian dictator can throw our election. Think about that!

So, I decided to write an illegal book. I knew there would be lawsuits, protests and angry people, but the statement had to be made that large corporate entities of business and social media are watch us and telling us what we can think and say. It's gone too far and someone has to put their foot down and say STOP! It isn't just me and there will surely be others to follow. I won't let it happen, not for me, not for others and not in this country where our freedoms are most to risk. 

 

Fine rhetoric Dan Joyce, but we just don’t want you creeping on God! Can you understand that?

 

Judge Kavanaugh, justice Kavanaugh, your honor, Brett. One of of the allegations against my writing is mentioning all the true names of former lovers, women I’ve been with. You had a Supreme Court declaration nomination trial in our Senate that was very let’s say embarrassing for you and a lot of people. When I write about these women and a man, I look back fondly with great memories and great moments, there were some if not one I truly regret leaving and that things just didn’t work out. There was a lot in that trial against you regarding your sexual activity or maybe romances in your past and some woman spoke out publicly condemning you. But I’m guessing a man of your stature, prominence, wealth, power and appearance wasn’t always unlucky in love and that maybe unlike like those women who spoke out there may have been one or so who didn’t complain. I’d like to adjourn the court and let you read some of my writings soft and sensitive as they can actually be And maybe you can think of one maybe someone in your past fondly and lovingly  so you two think I finally find someone who let’s say… Didn’t complain and I invite her to read it too and share with her a moment of your memories! Then come back and call me a criminal!

 

I declare the defendant Dan Joyce not guilty on all counts!

Mood swings

 

Chords: C G7

 

Time flies by like a thief in the night

And it seems like we’re alright.

Then things change and it happens again

And it’s back to the same old fight.

 

One more time and you’re feeling fine

And the same thing happens again

Don’t look back we begin to attack

And you don’t know where we’ve been

 

Mood swings come and the day is done

All revved up and ready to go

The great ill fate of love and hate

It’s a story we all know

 

One more time and it’s on my dime

And you don’t wanna answer the phone

Then I’m small cause you want to call

And it’s only three a.m.

 

Mood swings come and the day is done

All revved up and ready to go

The great ill fate of love and hate

It’s a story we all know

 

Take my word if you haven’t heard

We are no more than a child

Life is keen and life is grand

But mostly life if wild

 

Mood swings come and the day is done

All revved up and ready to go

The great ill fate of love and hate

It’s a story we all know

 

The lingerie bowl

I call my writing mode, message in a bottle. Often where I am alone and reaching out to the world to inform them what is going on. My poverty in Los Angeles was like that. While it’s a large city, you are isolated through a wall of anonymity where no one seems to care. You may make the mistake of taking to anyone willing to befriend you. But you will never quite know who that is. They can be your loving caring guardian who will faithfully befriend you and protect you or they could be The Artful Dodger and the sad part is they both look the same.

So your next gig Dan is going to be at one of the biggest sporting events ever.

The Super Bowl?

No that would be good but I got you booked to play the halftime show for the lingerie football league at the Lingerie Bowl.

What? 1 mean that’s even better!

and you’ll be opening for Britney Spears!

 Brittany? Really? My one true love of the women I don’t know! Wooh! WE GONNA PAAHTYYY!!! 

Dan Joyce the voice I’ve been hearing everywhere. We finally meet.

hi Brittany uh gee thanks.

That’s how you wanna start it?

I really like your song piece of me, you took on the world and I felt as though it was me taking on everyone. I still do every time I hear you sing. You’re a great inspiration For us middle Health people. You’ve done wonders and we’re greatful.

But you keep telling everybody you’re in love with me.

Well I think you’re pretty and you got a hot bod. And I just think for some reason you seem like you got it together. People from my walk if life don’t tour the world in concerts or make lots of money. Usually we’re at home wishing we had your life.

Believe me he may not even want it, everybody knows fame and fortune is not all it’s cracked up to be. But I hope you don’t like me just for that.

No I like you as an artist and bipolar we think a lot alike me being a crazy dirty old man and you being a hot young blonde.

Is that all you want to say? It’s known that you’ve had a very hard life. How do you cope with it with your disability.

I collect Glass Animals it’s therapeutic. Here this one’s the unicorn.

Oh I broke it!

That’s OK it’s not like more than all I have and is a glass menagerie  in this mediocre disabled world of mine.

Your story is sort of sad and I feel for you especially how you talk about empathy. I think you just wish other people could show more to you. Do you know what you need Dan, Somebody Oughta kiss you, Dan!

Woo woo woo!

I love you Britney! Where are we going to go now?

We can’t! I’m married again and for some reason have a Lot of babies to take care of. You could say I got busy in my life. Keep writing doing your art and making music! Some people won’t like it but I think it’s pretty cool! Goodbye Dan and do a good job singing out there, think of me! 

Ladies and gentleman the lingerie football league the hottest football league in the world presents for your halftime entertainment the numb nuts

My ex-girlfriend seemed to have a heart of gold, but turned out to just be mean and nasty. And she couldn’t even separate the two. She was mean while being nasty!!!

Nasty Style

Verses Am C F G      Chorus F C G F

Down at the college In the sororities

To the boys At the nearby dorm

There’s a new kind of kinky

Getting your freak on Like internet porn

And it’s called Nasty style

 

Chorus

We do it nasty style

We do it nasty style

Yeah we go all the while

We do it nasty style

V

You can get with your girl

And maybe some more

Let your freak flags fly

And feel like a whore

Chorus

Nasty style isn’t A sex position

It’s all the positions at once

Until you can no longer do it

And then you do it some more

Chorus

So get with your latest convictions

And then with your partner so hot

And then with the latest sensation

There’s Nothing nasty style is not

Chorus

Woo woo woo more more more.

I get called a sexist basically cause I’m into sex. I know bad things happen because of that kind of dirty thinking, but they aren’t really all bad. It’s like saying alcoholism isn’t fun. I know it causes problems for everybody, but it seems to me I was having some good times and the dark depths of my disease cheers everybody!

Impersonal sex can be a beautiful thing, two seeming strangers sharing their bodies, their love, the most sacred part of the human experience happening in an explosion of hormones. It may be rare or happen often. It may last further, it may end there. It doesn’t matter. It’s an intimate moment and that’s what you’re there to enjoy.

this is for you girls you know I’ll be thinking of you.

Dancing with myself

On the floors of Tokyo
Or down in London town to go, go
With a record selection and a mirror's reflection
I'm dancing with myself
When there's no one else in sight
In the crowded lonely night
Well, I wait so long for my love vibration
And I'm dancing with myself
Dancing with myself (ah, oh, oh-oh)
Dancing with myself (ah, oh, oh-oh)
When there's nothing to lose and there's nothing to prove (ah, oh, oh-oh)
Well, I'm dancing with myself, ah, oh, oh-oh
If I looked all over the world
And there's every type of girl
But your empty eyes seem to pass me by
Leave me dancing with myself
So let's sink another drink
And it'll give me time to think
If I had the chance, I'd ask the world to dance
And I'd be dancing with myself, oh-oh
Dancing with myself, ah, oh (oh-oh)
Dancing with myself (ah, oh, oh-oh)
If I had the chance, I'd ask the world to dance (ah, oh, oh-oh)
And I'd be dancing with myself, ah, oh, oh-oh, yeah
Ah, oh, oh-oh, oh
Ah, oh, oh-oh
Ah, oh, oh-oh, wow
Dance
Dance
Well, I looked all over the world
And there's every type of girl
But your empty eyes seem to pass me by
Leave me dancing with myself
So let's sink another drink
And it'll give me time to think
If I had the chance, I'd ask the world to dance
And I'd be dancing with myself, oh-oh
Dancing with myself, oh-oh
Dancing with myself
If I had the chance, I'd ask the world to dance
If I had the chance, I'd ask the world to dance
If I had the chance, I'd ask the world to dance
Ah, oh, oh-oh, ow!
Ah, oh, oh-oh, woo
Ah, oh, oh-oh, yeah
Ah, oh, oh-oh
Ah, oh, oh-oh
Ah, oh, oh-oh
Ah, oh, oh-oh
Yeah!
Well, I looked all over the world
And there's every type of girl
But your empty eyes seem to pass me by
Leave me dancing with myself
So let's sink another drink
And it'll give me time to think
If I had the chance, I'd ask the world to dance
And I'd be dancing with myself
Dancing with myself, ah, oh, oh-oh
Dancing with myself
If I had the chance, I'd ask the world to dance
If I had the chance, I'd ask the world to dance
If I had the chance, I'd ask the world to dance, ow!
Ah, oh, oh-oh, yeah
Ah, oh, oh-oh, yeah
Ah, oh, oh-oh, yeah
Ah, oh, oh-oh
Oh, my ladies all wet, yeah, sweat, sweat
I wanna sweat, sweat, sweat, sweat, sweat, sweat
Sweat, sweat, sweat, sweat, sweat, sweat
Sweat, sweat, sweat, sweat, sweat, sweat
Sweat, sweat, sweat, ow!
Sweating with myself
I'm dancing with myself, myself
I'm all right

I spend a little money and put my music on Spotify, pandora, Apple Music, etc… Usually a couple people a day will listen to a song or so. But oddly, every now and then some guy in Dallas, Texas listens to all my three or four hundred songs. I don’t know this guy at all, but that must be one hell of a dive bar.

 

Britney broke my heart, Emily.

I don’t think that’s it. She was just bothered by the obsessive fanatic psychotic fan crush you had on her. It scares women when you do that. But you always have me.

Really? Even though I just tried to ditch you for someone rich and famous? Really?

Really Dan

Sometimes when I have a woman I flirt with someone will say, she's not interested, she's just being nice to not tell you. Well, it's not nice to tell everybody else! She sure made me look stupid!

I did five drawings today for the next book. I want it to be 10. I’m slowing down because of the depression, but drawing can take me out of it  Jut being productive in any way is healing

I’ve been in the mental health system over 30 years and I’ve seen a lot of people give up. But I’m not one to sit around smoke cigarettes drink coffee and watch afternoon TV all day. I’m a fighter and against depression I will fight. Always!

I'm still in independent living in Laguna. I had one altercation, but it seems to be ok now. It's great here, the trees are all over and green and the people are friendly and there's the beach. What's best is that I can do most of my work here. I can't make paintings because of lack of space, but I've written three new books and illustrate them on my iPad. Also I've been making music with my guitar and keyboard and selling it online. It helps to be out of Fullerton because I can promote and do as I do online without conflict. I may not be an island, but you'll find me at the beach!

Well Dan. Your work has been marvelous your art is fantastic your writing is pretty cool and your music could use some work on the singing. But I have to go now goodbye my friend.h

 

What? You’re leaving me prophet for good?

Research has come up with a new medicine that can cure schizophrenia and a lot of mental Illnesses. While tit is not completely effective and side effects include a lot of damn things. It’s called butafukamine. It will be getting rid of your hallucinations. Me being one of them.

But you can’t though! You’re all I know. Where will you be? How can I find you?

 

Oh you will always have known me. When you do your art in your heart I’ll be there when you tell your inappropriate jokes that make people mad I’ll be there when you make your music that no one wants to listen to and sing out of key I’ll be there when you write and share the struggles of mental illness and comfort even the chronically depressedt and show people mental health issues are really not that bad, I’ll be there.

I'll be all around in the dark. I'll be everywhere. Wherever you can look—wherever there's a fight so hungry people can eat, I'll be there. Wherever there's a cop beatin' up a guy, I'll be there. I'll be in the way guys yell when they're mad. I'll be in the way kids laugh when they're hungry and they know supper's ready, and when the people are eatin' the stuff they raise and livin' in the houses they build, I'll be there, too.

 

OK that started nice but that’s not you that’s grapes of wrath. What else can you say? I get your message and your message is simply anyone can have a message and with this age of modern technology where we’re  all allowed to say things so literally the whole world our message is a responsibility and a freedom to appreciate it. Goodbye prophet, and thank you for all you’ve done for me.

Take care my friend and love always my friend

 

 This is going to be our last session due to the policy change at the clinic. We will be referring you to another therapist f you'd like. I feel we've made a lot fo progress especially with your sexuality, your family and your fear of success. I recommend you continue with the mental health center and AA. You have a strong philosophical understanding with respect to religion and spirituality even though you're an atheist and that helps with your strong sense of ethics. I'd suggest you continue working on these things with your new therapist, including working on your anger. Maybe use your art and keep an anger journal, but don't post it right away. Give everyone a chance to calm down and resolve. You are doing well and I have every confidence you will succeed as an artist and in life. Goodbye Dan.

The drives for love, empathy, family and compassion for others are of the most basic ethical instincts that have evolved in people and higher animals. Learn them all and use them freely. - the unlikely prophet

Dreams are not reality until you act upon them - Dan Joyce

 

As an atheist I don’t think I really determine the meaning of my own life as much as try to make sense of it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 If you like this story, please support with a PayPal, credit or debit card donation so I can make more and continue to advocate on behalf of the mental health community.

 

 

 

 

 

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