The Mental Health System is Skewed by 12-Step Tough Love Abuse – DAN JOYCE art


The Mental Health System is Skewed by 12-Step Tough Love Abuse

Posted by Dan Joyce on

When it comes to mental health and addiction recovery, you'd think the system would be built on compassion, understanding, and the best practices for real help. But what we often get instead is something far from it—a skewed, cultish mentality rooted in 12-step programs and the outdated "tough love" approach. And trust me, once they slap that label on you as an "addict," you might as well be walking around with a giant target on your back. It’s like you’re no longer a person, just a problem to be managed or, worse, discarded.

Let’s get one thing straight: being open about your experiences—whether it’s admitting you had a beer or tried some pot—shouldn't automatically paint you as a hopeless addict deserving of punishment. But in the 12-step world, honesty doesn’t set you free. It buries you. The moment you admit to using anything, they don’t see you as a person with struggles—they see you as a label, an "addict." And that label is sticky. Once it’s on you, good luck shaking it off.

The cult-like atmosphere in many 12-step programs is dangerous because it promotes a black-and-white, all-or-nothing mentality. Either you're "clean and sober," or you're a failure, back to square one. This isn't helpful for mental health; it's harmful. Life isn't black and white. It's full of gray areas, slip-ups, and learning curves. But try telling that to a 12-step counselor after you've had a drink or smoked a joint—they'll tell you you’ve "relapsed," you’re "powerless," and need to start your recovery all over again.

But here’s the kicker: the mental health system itself, from rehab centers to government-funded programs, often buys into this nonsense. Tough love, they call it. But it feels more like abuse to me. They’ll yank your housing, stop your treatment, and leave you out in the cold—literally—just for being human. It’s not just wrong, it’s dangerous. People are dying out here because of this tough love approach. What’s “tough” about making someone homeless? What’s loving about denying help to someone in need?

The truth is, you can’t even talk to these folks about real, practical harm reduction or moderation. They aren’t interested. It's all or nothing. And when you don’t fit their mold of total abstinence, they mess you up. They break trust, isolate you, and leave you to fend for yourself in a world that’s already pretty unforgiving. Once labeled, you’re stuck fighting a system that no longer sees you as an individual but as a problem to be controlled. It’s dehumanizing, and it needs to change.

In a better world, we’d have a mental health system based on understanding that life isn’t about perfection. People slip. People make mistakes. What matters is how we pick ourselves up, not how fast they throw us away. But as long as this cultish 12-step mentality dominates, the system will keep fucking people over—turning what should be a place of healing into a machine of punishment.

Enough is enough.

by Dan and Bonkers

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