One of the most important lessons I’ve learned from my time in Alcoholics Anonymous is recognizing the dangers of all-or-nothing thinking. It’s a mindset that can trap us, especially when we’re trying to break free from an addiction like smoking. The idea that one slip-up means total failure is a fallacy I’ve seen far too many people fall into, and I’ve been guilty of it myself.
When I quit drinking after leaving AA, I realized that I didn’t have to live in extremes. I didn’t have to either stay perfectly sober forever or completely give in to my old habits. The truth was somewhere in between. And the same goes for smoking: I might have a slip-up, but that doesn’t mean I’m doomed to go back to buying cartons and not even trying anymore.
The key is to avoid slip-ups as much as possible, but if they happen, I can’t let them break me. Beating myself up every time I stumble is just setting myself up for failure. On the other hand, if I surrender to the addiction and stop trying altogether, I know I’ll end up in a worse place—back to smoking a pack a day and giving up on myself.
The real challenge is finding balance. Yes, quitting is hard, and yes, I’ll face setbacks. But just like with drinking, I know it’s possible. I have to keep trying, and more importantly, I have to accept that failure isn’t the end. It’s just another step in the process.
The all-or-nothing fallacy can be dangerous, but if we approach quitting with patience, persistence, and a little self-compassion, we can succeed—even if the road is rocky.
So, here’s to trying, accepting the tough moments, and keeping that balance.
by Dan Joyce
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