Today in group, we tackled the concept of boundaries and how important it is to set healthy ones. For the longest time, I thought boundaries meant women who weren’t attracted to me saying, “I’ve got boundaries, go away!” I figured it was just a polite rejection when, in reality, boundaries are much more than that. They’re not just about flirting or shutting people down—they’re about saying yes and no, and meaning it.
Yes, it’s really that simple. But also no, it’s not easy, because boundaries affect all aspects of our relationships, not just romantic or flirtatious ones.
I had a big moment of realization: I’ve been setting unhealthy boundaries in my relationship with my realtor friend. I’ve been demanding her friendship, asking for money, and invading her personal and family life. The relationship has never been romantic and probably never will be, but in all honesty, I wasn’t giving her space to say no. I saw the friendship as a way to connect, make a new friend, maybe even gain a patron for my art business. But instead of being clear and respecting her boundaries, I was vague, overly eager, and too afraid of rejection to let her say no.
I even made promises, like quitting smoking, to show commitment to our friendship and myself. Yet, here I am, doubting if I can quit in my next environment. I couldn’t say no to smoking, and in some way, I wasn’t letting her say no to me either. It became clear that I wasn’t respecting her space, and now I plan to back off. I’ll wait until she’s back from her vacation and give her the space to decide if she wants to remain friends, but this time with a healthier understanding of boundaries.
This is a big step for me—learning to respect someone else’s boundaries while setting healthier ones for myself. Hopefully, this new approach helps me build stronger and more genuine relationships, including this one.
