By Dan Joyce
There are snakes in Texas, but not all of them slither. Some wear suits, grin like salesmen, and pretend to have a backbone. Enter stage right: Senator Ted Cruz, a man so politically slimy, even a baby wouldn’t let him kiss her.
Seriously, remember that viral moment? Cruz leaned in to plant one on a baby’s cheek and the infant recoiled like it had just seen a haunted doll. Babies may not vote, but they know something ain't right. That instinct? Priceless. That reaction? Peak Texas prophecy.
Ted Cruz is a walking contradiction. A Harvard-educated pitbull who once called Donald Trump a “sniveling coward,” then did the most Texas-sized backflip in political history to become Trump’s most obedient lapdog. At this point, he’s less of a senator and more of a Make America Grovel Again mascot.
Once he painted himself as a constitutional conservative, a Texan patriot out to defend liberty. Now he’s busy chasing imaginary caravans and parroting talking points that sound like they came from a Facebook uncle with a red hat collection and a QAnon group chat.
Let’s not forget his famous family vacation to Cancún during a deadly winter storm that left Texans freezing in their homes. While his constituents shivered in the dark, Cruz sipped margaritas in flip-flops. You’d think he was allergic to accountability—or snowstorms. Or both.
And the hypocrisy? As thick as Texas chili. He rails against immigration while conveniently forgetting his Cuban roots. Talks tough on “protecting American values” while letting corporate lobbyists pull his strings like a Dollar Store Pinocchio.
This man has no shame. Zero. Zilch. Nada. He’s a political puppet who sold out long ago, not to the highest bidder, but to the loudest bully. And now he wants to chase out the Mexicans, the immigrants, and “the snakes”—as if Texas isn’t already tired of the real venom in its politics.
Ted Cruz may be from Texas, but don’t let the boots and flag pin fool you. This ain’t about patriotism—it’s about power, pride, and pandering. And the people of Texas? Deserve better than a bootlicking, flip-flopping, baby-scaring puppet.
by Dan and Bonkers
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