So I had my smoking cessation class tonight, and something unexpected happened—my teacher gave me an extra week’s worth of nicotine patches early. The class is technically only supposed to provide two weeks, but I’m walking out with a week's supply early, then more in the next couple sessions. Maybe it’s a sign they believe I can do this. Or maybe it’s just a logistical thing. Either way, I’m grateful.
That said, I’m nervous. Actually, I’m more than nervous—I’m apprehensive, twitchy, and watching my last cigarettes like they’re sacred scrolls. The group home where I stay hasn’t exactly been a support group for quitting. Except for one friend. He kicked a crack cocaine habit years ago, so he gets it. He gets that addiction isn’t just about willpower—it’s about rewiring a brain that has been hijacked.
In class, we talked about cravings. How they feel huge but are actually short-lived. That’s something I really need to remember: cravings pass. They come in fast and hot, but they don’t stick around forever. If I can just ride the wave, I’ll be okay. We also talked about motivation. Why am I doing this?
Let me remind myself:
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To save money—because smoking is burning up more than just lungs.
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To live longer—because I want to stick around and see what’s next.
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And because I’m getting cancer tests soon. I don’t want to finally quit smoking only to find out I’m already sick.
I plan to start the patches this week—probably tomorrow. I’m going to wear them overnight, too, so the mornings won’t hit as hard. That’s when I crave most. Waking up used to mean coffee and a cigarette. Now it’s supposed to mean courage and a patch.
There are emotional triggers too. My mother, for example. She doesn't help. In fact, she tends to argue and refuses to do anything that might actually support my quitting. Getting into it with her just makes me light up. So I need to keep that in check. Maybe avoid fights, or at least avoid falling for the bait.
Why is this so important? Because WonderCon is coming up. And I want to be smoke-free for that. I want to walk in there breathing clean, feeling proud, and not having to step outside every hour just to calm the nicotine monster.
Today’s Progress
I’m still smoking—about a pack a day, maybe a little more—but I’m preparing. I’m nervous, but I’ve got something I haven’t always had: a plan. And hope. And a few friends rooting for me. I’m not doing this alone. And if I mess up? I’ll get back up. This isn’t about perfection—it’s about fighting for the life I want.
Here’s to the beginning. Patches go on this week. One day at a time.
by Dan and Bonkers
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