Now that I’m trying to quit smoking—and actually managing to go significant chunks of time without a cigarette—something odd (and kind of messed up) has started happening. The smokers around me, the ones who know I’m trying to quit, often give me my first cigarette to get started again. They don’t do it out of generosity or malice exactly. It’s something deeper, more psychological. When someone in the circle quits, it forces the others to look at their own addiction. And that’s uncomfortable. So instead of facing it, they’d rather you join them back on the bench, lighting up like old times.
But here’s the kicker: that first cigarette is often free. It’s the second one where they say, “Go buy your own.” And that’s how you fall down the rabbit hole again. One cigarette turns into a pack. A pack turns into a carton. All when maybe all you really wanted—or needed—was a single cigarette to scratch the itch and move on.
In Southern California, a pack of smokes costs somewhere between $10 and $12. Not cheap. So to save money, you buy the carton. Ten packs. Two hundred cigarettes. That’s not budgeting—that’s full-blown relapse.
I used to get my cigarettes illegally in Garden Grove—$20 for a carton. A hell of a deal… for an addictive drug that kills you. That’s also how I wound up smoking three packs a day. I wasn’t just smoking out of habit—I was smoking out of inventory.
And it’s not like there’s a middle ground. You can’t go to the store and buy a single cigarette, even though that would make so much more sense for someone trying to moderate or quit. It's illegal to sell singles in this area, even though it might actually help people stay out of relapse. But the system isn’t built to help. It’s built to sell. And the tobacco companies know it. Keep you committed, pack after pack, carton after carton.
What’s sold as regulation ends up being a trap.
Today’s Progress:
I’ve only smoked five cigarettes today, and I intend to keep it at that. Using my computer for business has been a great way to distract myself and fill that time I’d normally spend with a cigarette in hand. I’m proud to say I’ll be smoke-free for WonderCon this weekend. Fingers crossed for sales, smiles, and a celebration of self-control.
Stay strong out there. If you’re quitting too, I’m rooting for you.
by Dan and Bonkers
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