My Smoker’s Journal – Don’t Give Up! Don’t Give In!

There’s a myth that quitting something means you failed. But in truth, there’s a difference between quitting and pausing to catch your breath.

Right now, I’m hitting pause on my journey toward full abstinence from smoking. Not because I’ve given up, and definitely not because I’ve given in. It’s a strategic retreat. A temporary ceasefire in the war between willpower and withdrawal. I’m regrouping. Healing. Refocusing. And when I come back, I’ll come back stronger, clearer, and more determined than ever.

Because that’s what resilience looks like.

Quitting an addiction—especially something as chemically clingy as nicotine—isn’t a straight line. It’s more like jazz: unpredictable, emotional, full of improvisation. One day you’re floating on a high note, the next you’re crashing into a dissonant chord of cravings, stress, and triggers. But music doesn’t stop with one bad note. Neither do I.

I want to be honest in this journal. There are moments when I slip. When I light up. When I reach for that temporary relief knowing full well it’s just a delay tactic in a long battle I still intend to win. But honesty doesn’t mean defeat. It means awareness. And awareness is the first step toward lasting change.

This isn’t a relapse. It’s a pit stop.

I’m still sober otherwise. I’m still taking my meds. I’m still creating, dreaming, working toward goals bigger than cigarettes. And I still believe—deep in my lungs, even if they're still smoky—that I can and will live a smoke-free life.

So if you’re reading this and you’ve slipped too—don’t shame yourself. Don’t toss everything away over a single cigarette or a setback. Don’t fall into the all-or-nothing trap that says one mistake means you’ve failed completely. That’s a lie.

This is not the end of my journey. It’s just a bend in the road.

I’ll be back. And when I return to my goal of abstinence, I’ll bring every ounce of strength, insight, and fire I’ve gained from this pause. I’ll fight smarter. I’ll be gentler with myself. And I’ll keep going.

Don’t give up. Don’t give in. Just keep going.
—Dan and Bokers
Still breathing. Still fighting.

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