One of the biggest draws to 12-step programs and self-help groups is the sheer number of newfound friends. There’s something powerful about being surrounded by people who share the same goal—to quit a bad habit, find purpose, and build a better life. These friendships can create a real sense of belonging and hope.
But here’s the tricky part—sometimes those same friendships keep us trapped. In many recovery groups, smoking becomes the “acceptable addiction,” a sort of consolation prize for giving up everything else. You might see people chain-smoking outside meetings, puffing away while preaching progress. And often, that “substitute addiction” turns fatal.
The social pressure inside these circles can also be intense. The group think runs deep. If you dare to question the doctrine, you risk being shunned. I experienced that firsthand. When I began speaking openly about accepting medical help—especially psychiatric treatment—I didn’t get applause. I got hostility. Some even seemed to want me to fail, to see me smoking or drinking again rather than staying clean on my own terms.
That’s when I realized: friendship is powerful, but it has to be healthy. Support doesn’t mean conformity. It means encouragement without judgment. So as I rebuild my circle of friends, I’m careful about where I look for them. And honestly, the nonsmoking section sounds like a great place to start.
by Dan and Bonkers
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