Today’s therapy session peeled back some layers. Not the glamorous kind — more like the uncomfortable, emotional-bubble-wrap kind. We talked about the breathing issues, the panic waves that hit like a surprise gust of wind, and that strange nighttime fear that shows up right when I’m supposed to relax. It’s like my brain thinks bedtime is a haunted house and insists on checking every emotional closet for ghosts.
And yes — there’s still that lingering possibility of cancer hovering in the background. Not a certainty, not even something to panic over according to the doctors, but it’s there. A little whisper reminding me why I quit smoking in the first place and why I’m not going back.
Therapist’s message of the day?
Use what helps you stay grounded.
For me, that continues to be art. Drawing, creating worlds, channeling internal noise into something outside of myself — that’s medicine. But here’s the surprise therapy tool I didn’t expect to lean on as much: blogging. This journal isn’t just an outlet. It’s become a lifeline in this process.
Here’s what it’s giving me:
✅ Accountability
Posting this every day means I don’t disappear into silence and relapse. You’re watching — and that matters.
✅ Support Through Two Cancer Scares
This journey hasn’t been a straight line. And knowing I don’t have to face those fears alone has made all the difference.
✅ Encouragement for My Art
People following my story are also discovering my artwork — and lifting it up. That’s motivation, healing, and purpose wrapped together.
✅ Real Sales
I'm not going to pretend money doesn’t matter. Every art sale reminds me my work — and this story — has value.
✅ Helping Others Quit
Maybe the most meaningful thing. Hearing someone say this journal helped them quit — even for a day — that’s fuel stronger than nicotine ever was.
Tonight, I might still feel that anxiety creep in when the lights go off. I might still do that deep-breathing-because-I-forgot-how-to-breathe-naturally thing. But I’ll also remember:
Courage isn’t dramatic. It’s showing up again tomorrow.
Still not smoking. Still learning. Still creating. Still healing.
And if you’re right there with me — fighting your own battles — then we’re walking this road together.
One breath, one sketch, one night at a time. 🫁✍️🙏
by Dan and Bonkers
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