Back in my hometown of Fullerton—home of coffee shops, college kids, and overachievers—I'm staying with my mother instead of the run-down halfway houses where temptation floated through the air like cheap incense. Here, I’m not surrounded by smoke breaks, porch philosophers puffing away, or “just one cigarette won’t hurt” logic traps. Life is quieter. Cleaner. Maybe even classier.
But here’s the funny thing about getting healthy: when you remove one chaos, you sometimes discover another. Now that I'm not around dozens of people every day in recovery housing, I find myself needing to build friendships again. Real ones. Not “we bond because we're all escaping the same burning ship” friendships. Actual human connection.
Some folks are happy to cheer me on in this quitting journey, and I’m deeply grateful. The support feels good. But recently I hit a bump in the social road—I started asking for favors. Small ones at first, then maybe a little too much. Subconsciously I thought, Hey, I quit smoking, I’m improving my life, I deserve support… right?
The truth? Just because someone supports my progress doesn’t mean they signed up to be my personal life concierge.
Living in a higher-income city, surrounded by people with cars, careers, and stability, it’s tempting to ask for help. It’s easy to forget that support is something given, not owed. Friendship isn’t a punch card that fills up every time I don’t smoke.
In quitting smoking, I’m also quitting another addiction—leaning too hard on others. Friendship is not a right; it’s a privilege. A gift. Something to treat with respect, not expectation. No one wants to feel used or like their kindness is a transaction.
So today’s lesson? Lean on people emotionally, not financially or logistically. Accept support, don’t take advantage of it. Give back where I can. Appreciate the people who stand with me, and understand when some choose a different distance.
And in the middle of learning all this?
I’m still not smoking.
One day, one breath, and one friendship at a time.
I got this.
by Dan and Bonkers
SUPPORT MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS TODAY!!!
