Most mental illnesses are caused by a mix of chemical imbalances in the brain and environmental factors like trauma. I don’t pretend to know all the chemicals in a cigarette or exactly how they interact with the brain, but one thing is certain — doing something several times a day that you know is killing you can be depressing all by itself.
When I was battling thyroid cancer, that was exactly the trap I was in. Even though the doctors said smoking didn’t cause that type of cancer, it didn’t make the guilt or anxiety any easier. Quitting gave me a rush — a kind of upward swing, like I could take on the world. For a brief moment, I felt invincible. But soon enough, the cynics arrived, telling me I wasn’t doing enough for my health. That high faded, and now I’m back in the trenches, fighting the cravings one day at a time.
The difference is, my mental health is steadier now. Whether I’m smoking or not, my moods aren’t as fragile. Overcoming this habit is building my strength — and that alone is an antidepressant in its own right. Every day I stay clean from cigarettes is a small victory against depression.
Yesterday, I may have come off as rude or persistent, and I didn’t mean to. I just get worn down by all the advice people throw my way about mental health. Exercise? Of course it helps. And yes, I’ll be signing up for the gym this week — my insurance even covers it. I’ve already started taking longer walks to get ready for it.
But the things people tell me sometimes… one woman actually said I should dig a hole in the dirt, lie in it, and let the minerals heal me. Another person swore off medicine in favor of herbs. Then there are the marijuana, magic mushroom and Psilocybin advocates who think the substances that made me sick are somehow going to heal me. I try to keep an open mind, but it gets exhausting.
Still, I don’t want to lose friends over my frustrations. Change is hard — but it’s also healing. Quitting smoking, exercising, and learning to tune out the noise are all part of getting better. One step, one day, one breath at a time.
“I may not know all the chemicals in a cigarette, but I’m learning the chemistry of resilience.”
by Dan and Bonkers
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