This Tuesday is my last cessation class—and guess what? I'm still smoking.
I had big plans. I cut back a lot and set WonderCon as my quit date. I thought the excitement would distract me, that the patches would help me power through. But it didn’t quite go that way. Even with the patches, the withdrawal hit me like a truck. By the second day, I had ripped them off and was smoking through the whole weekend.
Now it feels like I’m right back where I started. I’m smoking nearly as much as before, and to be honest, I’m nauseous, frustrated, and disappointed in myself.
But that’s not the whole story.
I’ve actually learned a lot. I know more about my triggers now—like how I reach for a cigarette when I’m watching the clock or just trying to kill time. I’ve caught myself before lighting up, even if only a few times. And those little wins domatter.
Even though the class is ending, I’m not giving up. My teacher is referring me to ongoing groups and resources, so the support doesn't stop here. And neither do I.
Today’s Progress
The class may be over, but I’m not. The cancer scare I’m facing makes the stakes too high to just walk away. I always knew this would take more than a few classes and some nicotine patches. This is a journey. It’s messy, imperfect, and personal. But if at first I don’t succeed, I’m going to try, try again.
I’ll keep blogging. I’ll keep trying. I’ll keep moving forward.
Because this isn't the end. It's just another beginning.
by Dan and Bonkers
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