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Manic Manefesto

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Manic Manifesto

The unlikely prophet

Prequel – episode. 5

By Dan Joyce



I watch atheist videos online at night, because they are dry and boring and put me to sleep. But then I wake up the next morning not believing in God.

When people ask you how you're doing, they don't always want you say, fine. So I try to tell them every little bit of how I'm doing... I should just say, fine.

On my gravestone, I want written the words, I did it! Which sounds like an accomplishment, but I'm not gonna tell them what I did.

Are you gay? No, I’m a Q. You know, as in LGBTQ. What’s a Q? I don’t know! That’s the cool part of Q. Nobody knows what you’re doing.

I don't like people who ask leading questions. They corner you with them to try to put their words into your mouth. If you have something to say, just say it. Don't try to get me to say it. I may not want to.

I have a job, I have a car, I have a wife, I have a job…

Do you think that makes you better than me? because on paper it looks like it does.

I almost got jumped by some guy at the Von's today.

The police say there’s two sides to every story – mine and a liar.

I’m not here to get scared straight. I get scared too easy.

I don't like my housemates at the shelter. Not all of them, but they take turns.

Why can't a man and a woman just be friends?
They can if they're both ugly.

One week ago, I was sitting across the table from you desperately telling you what a lonely man I am. Now there’s a woman in the picture. That’s the best thing a lonely man can have, right?

Some people will never change. You can’t change them or their diapers.

The reason Christians fall short is because they’re human.

So then why not just be a human?

You have to get your Medi-Cal number to arrange transportation. Call here or go down to social services and wait all day and hard chair.

For English press one. Find out about food stamps fress two, to find out about affordable healthcare press three if you have any other questions let us put you on hold for three hours.

Looks like I’m going to the social services office.

And the wheels on the bus go round and round…

Welcome to the mega system pick a number!

But my number has letters. I don’t understand.

Here in the mega system we use the hexadecimal numeric system.

That makes it more efficient?

No it makes it more confusing. That way it’s harder for you to get off the system.

Now serving number PQ2 percentage sign at window infinity.

What? There’s no window infinity.

It’s that old wooden door in the dark corner.

Oh wow. Who would have an office there? Oh well… Creek!

Bernie Sanders!

We must stop the 1%, Medicare for all.

I know! I got Medicare I just want my number.

Would you like to sign a petition to end capitalism and impoverish the 1%.

That’s nice, but what about the rest of us, the lots of percents. We’re getting screwed by the system!

Don’t you want everyone to have Medicare, Social Security, food stamps and better toys in your happy meal?

Look I had a nervous break down in my 20s. My dad didn’t feel like he could pay the bills, so he signed me up for social services. But I got stuck on the system ever since. I just want to job, a car, a decent place to live, maybe a date with Britney Spears. I want to work my own business and rise up in the system, like we were told as kids in school. You know the American dream.

Capitalism will never work, it only favors a few and the rest struggle.

What socialism isn’t working that good either.

We get stuck in a complicated system that’s hard to get off of and the only ones who benefit that we’re impoverished in the system are the bureaucrats who get paid to keep us on it. I’m an artist I’m a business I want to succeed like anybody else. But the limitations set forth by the system make it hard for me to do that and the hardest part is figuring out this damn system to begin with.

You should be grateful, you have a roof over your head and food in your stomach and barely surviving. We hope to get there. If you want to figure out the system just Fo on the Internet. After all Al Gore gave it to you.

No I don’t think he did! Can you just get my MediCal number.

Here it is, and good luck to you kid I’ve seen yard online your stuffs pretty cool. Have you ever thought of making lithograph political posters like the early Bolsheviks.

Uh… I don’t think I know how to do that.

We’re all in here together. We don’t like each other. We don’t get along, but we gotta try. I’ll warn you right now, I can be a very nice guy!

I’m sorry your insurance information isn’t going through. We can’t give you your medicine.

Did you put in all the information the card, the numbers, the, the prescription, note from my mother?

Yes and the answer is no.

Can I talk to the pharmacist?

Welcome to CVS mega systems pharmacy. We’ve got the best drugs in the neighborhood.

Aubrey Plaza!

Yep that’s me Aubrey Plaza from Parks and Recreation. What kind of recreational drugs would you like?

No, I don’t want that. I just want my medicine. I’m bipolar and I have to have it!

Oh you’re crazy. What kind of symptoms do you have. Do your thing! Let me see!

No, I’m not crazy I just need my medicine.

I know you’re not crazy you just said if you get money from the government, right?

No, I just have a condition and it acts up if I don’t get my medicine, OK?

But aren’t we all a little crazy?

Nobody’s crazy I just need my prescription filled.

I know, you just said you get your money from the government.

This is insane! Can I just get my prescription filled?

OK what’s your number?

What number?

Your Medi-Cal number, your Social Security number, your prescription number, your birthday number and your phone number, wink wink!

OK it should all be in this paperwork.

Sorry it didn’t go through.

What do you mean it didn’t go through?

I mean… it didn’t go through. Would you like me to say it in Spanish? Just press two on this pad.

But what can I do? It has to go through?

Just call Medi-Cal wait on hold for hours or go to the Social Security mega system and change it.

Back to the bus stop.

Later that day…

I called Meds-Cal, I went to Social Security, I’ve bounced all through the mega system and I yelled at you! Can you please get me my medicine now?

… and it sounds like you need it. Okey Dokey… here you go!

Because of What the Rhinos Do

Chords: C D G


I tend my place

And work real hard

But slowly and forcefully

It all gets lost

Because of what the Rhinos do


They come at night

They come at day

They charge with fright

They have their way

Because of what the rhinos do


Some say they are

Creations of God

But that I doubt

Very hard

Because of what the Rhinos do


I feel ok

I feel alright

But then they come

With all their might

Because of what the rhinos do


In my sleep

In my sweet dreams

There are no rhinos

Or so it seems

Because of what the rhinos do


Why they fight

And why they charge

That is my plight

On how cruel they are

Because of what the rhinos do


Some day sweet

I’ll hold my ground

Get on my feet

I wish so sound

Because of what the rhinos do

People say of my education, Does that make you better than me? That doesn't make any sense to me. People learn different things in different ways. I'm educated, I've learned that it doesn't.

People think I’m not smart because I don’t have a regular job and I choose to be an artist. The truth is that I’m not successful because I have mental health issues. People don’t go around giving six figure income jobs to people with mental problems. It might get you into congress, but that’s about it!

I like smoking filtered cigars, because they taste more like tobacco. Regular cigarettes taste so chemical, you don’t know what they’re putting in them. Marlboro PCP, enjoy our fine blend.

Art is not a business, it’s a hobby.

Well, I have assets, liabilities, income, expenses, taxes… all the things that. Make a business

But only a small few make any money.

No, there’s graphic designers, advertisers, sign makers, tattoo artists… lots of people are making mooney.

But nobody knows who you are.

No, I’ve been in several galleries, private collections, museums, PBS and Italy… People know me. What do you do that’s so special besides commission only sales jobs?

Mind your own business.

No, mind your own hobby.

Social media is so much arguing, I think I just get in the habit of arguing and do it in real life.

If you think a college degree is no big deal, try getting one. And no, your stupid AA chip doesn’t count.

People think I don’t succeed in life because I choose to be an artist. The truth is that I don’t succeed at anything because I have a mental problem that has a side effect of chaos.

I have to go to the doctor, I have to go to the therapist, The psychiatrist, the pharmacy, the case worker… having a mental problem is a full time job.

It’s true I solicit advice. That’s a bad habit I got from AA. The other bad habit was doing what they told me to do.

Welcome to Starbucks, may I take your order?

Ok let’s see… hmm… no…. Um… nah… ok. I’ll have a pumpkin spice biscotti latte with a touch of nutmeg.

We’re out of nutmeg


Yes, sweetened?

Sweet and low

That will be five dollars and forty cents

Do you take credit?


Oops, it didn’t go through, debit?

Uh huh

Oh my, spent too much. Let me see if there’s anything left on my Starbucks card. Not too sure…

I’ll buy her coffee.

Thank you sir, that’s mighty bold of you.

Where are you coming from.

Church, and you?

Seminary, I just dropped out.

Oh my. Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and personal savior?

No, they didn’t make me do that. Besides, I no longer believe.

No, you have to say the prayer, that’s all.

What prayer?

The sinners prayer. You say it and you go to heaven.

I don’t think that’s how it works.

Do you believe Christ died for our sins?

I don’t know, that was a long time ago.

Anyone can get Jesus and go to heaven. I was born a jew, but I got Jesus too.

That’s nice, but I don’t think a prayer is going to do it. Heaven, if there is one, should be based on merit. Good people do good things, bad people do bad. And some, most of us, do our share of both, but still try to get along. And hell seems sadistic and entirely unnecessary. 

Do you believe the Bible is the word of God?

Actually not, it’s full of scientific errors and contradictions, even more just makes no sense.

But the Bible is true, you need to read the book of John.

Yes, I have and it’s quite antisemitic and written years after Christ was alive. If there even was a Jesus Christ.

Blasphemy. We all know there was a Jesus. Why else would we have built so much in his name.

Basically, there is no archeological evidence that Jesus existed. It seems to fall in the lines of common folklore of the time. There was no recording of a mass Roman census at the time of his birth, most of the miracles were impossible and some unnecessary and there is also evidence that the public needed a new religion at the time Christianity was born, a more personal God, one we can relate to and understand, one like man.

You think too much!

That’s all I really am basically, the result of thought.

Who’s thought.

Let’s just say a friend.

Well, I hope he understands you. I have to go now to a hair stylist appointment. What did you say your name was?

I just go by prophet.

An atheist prophet, how unlikely. I’m Rew, but I gotta go to get my hair done and gossip. Bye for now. Maybe we can catch up again sometime.

In New York City?

You never know.

She’s Rich and Good Looking


I had a heart break

Very badly, I mean

We got along, we laughed

We shared time together

But when it all came down

I just wasn’t what she wanted

In a man


I tried to meet people

Other people to empower myself

Some seemed nice, others not

Until I met a certain boring someone

Not that interesting, not that intelligent

Not funny or entertaining

But she has something about her I really want

She’s rich and good looking


She’s rich and good looking

It’s a spiritual thing

She’s everything I prayed for

I got on internet dating

And plugged in everything I liked

And what do you know?


Sometimes we go out to

Expensive restaurants

And she just plays with her fork

In a hot beautiful way

What can I say?


She looks good in pictures

And impresses the family

And I’ve options

In her father’s stock


Call me shallow

But I don’t need meaningful love

I have the basics

Of what anybody would want






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