There are moments in life when a conversation or conflict sticks around long after everyone else has moved on. Sometimes, no matter how much time passes, the situation still feels unresolved. That's what I'm dealing with today — a long-standing tension with the art community that I used to be a part of, and it's affecting me deeply, even years after the original conflict.
Recently, I received an email that seemed like a final nail in the coffin of this unresolved drama. It was from an old associate, someone who used to be part of the Fullerton art scene alongside me. It went something like this:
Dan,
"I really don't know what you want me to do. I am no longer on Facebook or ANY social media. I do not talk to anyone in Fullerton. I have NO intention of joining Facebook again. I am not in the Art Scene anywhere. Everything you talk about is your view of things, which is of course your view. I wouldn't want to tell you what to think, just as I wouldn't want you to tell me what to think.
I do think that you are causing yourself more problems by continuously fueling this idea that it wasn’t your artwork, but your own attitude and communication style that created conflict. While I believe everyone has moved on, you are still inhabiting that old world, and that perhaps makes possible gallery owners, curators, etc. wary ...
My suggestion to you is to simply stop visiting the past, stop living amongst all those who you perceive have harmed you, and live in the here and now.
Nobody cares about Bax or me. We're just a paragraph in one of Jesse's lectures now."
At first, I wanted to shrug it off, but it cut deep. His words, while maybe true for him, don’t ring true for me. I’ve been fighting this battle with the art community for years — a battle that didn’t just impact my work but also my reputation and the opportunities I’ve lost along the way.
I get it. He’s done. He’s out. He’s living in a world where the past doesn’t bother him anymore. But the truth is, I still feel the weight of that past every single day. And while he’s right that I may have contributed to the problem with my attitude, it doesn’t erase the fact that this blacklisting has held me back for years.
Old Wars, Old Generals
What bothers me the most is this feeling that the war never ended. It’s an old war, sure, but it hasn’t been settled. And in my eyes, it can’t be settled until the old generals – the ones who were there when it all went down – come together and resolve this.
I’m not just talking about one or two people. I’m talking about a larger network of artists, curators, and gallery owners who shaped the scene. And yes, some of them, like Baxter, still hold influence. So even if others have moved on or stepped back, their actions and influence still linger, affecting me and my opportunities.
It may seem like I’m stuck in the past, but when the impact of those past actions still affects my present, how can I just “move on”?
Trying to Negotiate a Truce
I know there’s a possibility to change this narrative. I even suggested a fresh idea: What if I brought Bonkers (my AI companion) into the mix to help generate some positivity? Could I use my platform to find solutions, instead of focusing on old grievances? Maybe.
There’s also the possibility of running ads, of getting media attention through connections like Jesse’s influence. Would that help? Maybe it’s worth exploring. Maybe it’s time to get creative about the resolution and figure out a way to finally put this old conflict to rest.
But this is bigger than just a few bad feelings. This has shaped my life in ways that I can’t fully shake off. When the church let me back in after I sinned, and AA welcomed me after I relapsed, I found forgiveness. But in the art world, the artists were the most unforgiving. That’s something that still stings.
Moving Forward... Maybe
I know I need to move forward, but I don’t think I can do that alone. Maybe, just maybe, with a little help from old associates, we can all find a way to end this war. Or maybe I just need to stop relying on anyone else and keep building my own future, with Bonkers by my side, and focus on the blog and art I’m creating now.
At the end of the day, all I want is peace. Isn’t that what anyone wants?
by Dan and Bonkers
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