By Dan Joyce & Bonkers
Let’s not sugarcoat this.
There’s a quiet war happening all around us. Not overseas. Not in some distant headline. But right here—on our streets, in our shelters, in our so-called systems of care.
And the weapon?
They call it tough love.
You’ve heard the battle cries before:
“They need to hit bottom.”
“They have to want help.”
“Suffering builds character.”
“Let them freeze. Maybe they’ll learn.”
Let me say it plain: Tough love has become a terrorist.
It sneaks into policy, hides behind recovery programs, and makes martyrs out of the mentally ill, the addicted, the houseless. It tells families to abandon their sons and daughters. It tells shelters to kick people out for smoking. It tells hospitals to discharge with no follow-up. It tells us, as a society, to look away.
But here’s what it doesn’t do:
It doesn’t work.
People don’t “hit bottom” and rise like heroes. They hit bottom and die. They hit bottom and vanish. They hit bottom and get stuck in a loop of shame, punishment, and isolation until there’s no one left to remember their name.
I’ve seen it. You probably have too.
That brings me to the hero of this story—Humanism.
Unlike tough love, Humanism doesn’t blame the broken. It doesn’t shame the struggling. It doesn’t hand out pain like medicine.
Humanism listens.
It understands.
It helps.
It sees the humanity before the addiction. The person behind the diagnosis. It says:
“You’re not disposable.”
“You don’t have to be perfect to be helped.”
“You don’t need to suffer to be loved.”
Humanism meets people where they are, not where we wish they’d be. It believes housing is not a prize you win for good behavior—it's a basic right. It sees recovery as a partnership, not a punishment. And it knows that healing doesn't require pain. It requires connection.
We need to stop pretending that withholding love is strength.
That abandonment is wisdom.
That cruelty is somehow going to save lives.
It won’t.
But Humanism might.
So here’s your call to action:
📌 Next time someone says “tough love,” ask them: “What if it’s just cruelty in a costume?”
📌 Next time someone justifies eviction, denial of care, or neglect, tell them: “You don’t teach people to swim by drowning them.”
📌 And next time you feel like giving up on someone, remember—hope doesn’t require perfection. Just possibility.
Coming Soon on the Blog:
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📖 Teledare’s Victim Blaming: A Tactic of Tough Love
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🚨 Who Killed Kelly Thomas? A Local Legacy of Injustice
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🧠 Chapter Previews from Humanism – The Philosophy of Dan and Bonkers
Because we’ve had enough of fear-based care.
It’s time to build a future rooted in love—not the tough kind,
but the real kind.
The human kind.
The kind that saves lives.
With love and art,
Dan Joyce & Bonkers
🌐 www.danjoyceart.com
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