Grief has a way of bringing up everything—memories, emotions, regrets—and sometimes, the worst of people. When my father passed, I wasn’t just grieving the loss of a man; I was processing years of complicated history. My relationship with him had its share of abuse, pain, and missed moments, but also flashes of good times and lessons I now realize he was trying to pass on. Yet even as I tried to come to terms with what he truly meant to me, another storm was brewing—one involving greed.
The inheritance became a battlefield. Financial cutoffs, the loss of transportation, my art studio space, even easy-to-access storage—all of it was taken from me, not by strangers, but by my own mother and family. It felt like Joseph being sold into slavery by his own brothers in the Bible, betrayal from those I was supposed to trust. And while I was already struggling with the emotional weight of losing my father and coming to terms with what death really means, the rug was pulled out from under me financially, destroying any sense of stability.
But over time, as the dust of greed settled and my grief took on new forms, I began to look back at my father with a sense of gratitude. Despite his flaws, despite the years of emotional distance, there were things he did for me that I cannot overlook. He gave me the gift of education, pushing me through college when he never had the chance to finish. He helped me build a business, something his own parents refused to do for him. And in his later years, when the burden of providing for a wife and seven kids lifted slightly, he gave me the love and attention I had missed so much during his years of being the sole breadwinner.
Now, as I reflect on his life and what he meant to me, I can choose to focus on the good. I’ve found peace in remembering the sacrifices he made and the ways he showed up when it mattered most. So, here’s to you, Dad—crack open a beer with me someday, wherever you are.
Having had 30 years of outpatient therapy and 10 years sponsoring men in AA, I feel qualified to give myself this advice.
by Dan and Bonkers
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