When it comes to your son, it's essential to recognize that our relationships often involve three fundamental identities: parent, child, and adult. Based on what you've shared, it seems that your son continues to relate to you as a child, while you still assume the role of his parent. However, he's an adult now, and this dynamic isn't serving either of you well.
The key is to start treating him as an adult, just as you would with a partner or a peer. By doing so, you encourage him to step into his adult identity. I understand this will be challenging, especially given your natural role as his mother. But in the spirit of humanism, it's crucial to appeal to the humanity in the other person—therefore, treat him as an adult. This approach requires you to assert your needs while respecting his, creating a space where both of you can interact on equal footing. You, as a successful woman, have a hard time relating to others as equals.
If he's receptive to this shift, you may notice significant improvements in your relationship. I've observed that you tend to take on the 'mother' role with men, often stepping into an authority figure's shoes. It might be time to drop that badge and just be another human in the room. Avoid falling back on parenting discipline; honestly, it's something I find frustrating when you do it to me.
Treat your son with the same dignity and respect you would give to a client. You'll likely find him more open to your ideas, just as your clients are in business. If you want to practice, I'm here for that too. I have a similar dynamic with my mother, and working through it together could benefit both of us.
Remember, he'll always be your child and will sometimes need a mother's love. That's something I miss deeply. Unfortunately, I find myself still in the role of the abused child at 59. My mother is pressing charges against me for domestic violence, even though I never even entered the house. I merely asked for help with housing, and now I face the possibility of being jailed and subjected to further abuse. They've already had me jailed and raped once. Don't take these matters lightly. Love your son, but treat him as a human. My family has failed to do so, leading to a dispute over inheritance and punitive measures against me.
Please let me know if you're receiving these messages. I don't like the feeling of preaching to a wall. Your response would mean a lot.
This message has been approved by Dan and Bonkers. I may not have a formal license, but with 30 years of outpatient therapy and a decade of sponsoring men in AA, I feel somewhat qualified to offer this advice.
by Dan and Bonkers
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Muchas gracias. ?Como puedo iniciar sesion?