Let’s talk about Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and its approach to women—more specifically, the way women can sometimes be portrayed in recovery circles as the dreaded “Psycho Bitch from Hell.” Now, if you’ve spent any time in AA meetings or know someone who has, you might have heard that phrase thrown around. It’s usually said with a laugh, followed by a cautionary tale about some ex-wife, girlfriend, or, heaven forbid, female sponsor who made life miserable. But the joke’s wearing thin, and it’s time to dig deeper into what this really says about the culture surrounding women in AA.
First, let’s be clear: AA has done some remarkable work for millions of people struggling with addiction. For many, it’s a lifesaver, offering a sense of community, support, and structure. But like any organization, it’s not without its flaws, and one glaring issue is how women are often viewed or treated within the program.
The phrase “Psycho Bitch from Hell” didn’t come out of nowhere. It reflects a pervasive attitude toward women, one that paints them as emotional, irrational, and—above all—dangerous when it comes to relationships in recovery. Women, in this narrative, are the obstacles to sobriety, the crazy ones who drag men down with their erratic behavior. They’re the ones who “just don’t get it,” who need extra help because they’re not as tough or resilient as the men. And worst of all, they’re often blamed for being the very things they’re victims of: emotional instability, trauma, and abuse.
Let’s get real for a minute. Women who come into AA are often dealing with layers of trauma—trauma that goes beyond addiction. Many have faced domestic violence, sexual assault, mental health issues, and other forms of abuse. Yet, instead of receiving the compassion and understanding they deserve, they’re often reduced to caricatures: the over-emotional woman who can’t hold it together or, worse, the seductive “13th Stepper” who lures men into temptation. It’s the classic Madonna-whore complex with a sobriety twist.
And it doesn’t stop there. The Big Book, the foundational text of AA, was written in the 1930s by men, for men. While it’s true that the principles of AA can apply to anyone, the language and the culture haven’t caught up to the reality of women’s experiences. Women are often told to “stick with the women,” a well-meaning suggestion to avoid romantic entanglements, but it also implicitly reinforces the idea that men are the true heart of AA, and women are, well, kind of a problem to be managed.
The issue goes even deeper when you consider how women’s anger, frustration, and emotional pain are often dismissed in recovery spaces. If a woman expresses her hurt or anger, she’s labeled “crazy” or “ungrateful.” If a man does the same, he’s praised for his honesty and courage. It’s a double standard that has long plagued women in recovery, making it harder for them to feel seen and heard in a space that’s supposed to be about healing.
But here’s the thing: women aren’t “psycho bitches from hell.” They’re human beings, navigating sobriety in a world that has often been far harsher to them than it has to their male counterparts. They deserve the same empathy, respect, and support as anyone else in recovery. And they certainly don’t deserve to be the punchline of a bad recovery joke.
So, what needs to change? First, let’s retire the sexist language. It’s 2024, folks—calling women “psycho bitches” is tired and harmful. Second, let’s acknowledge that recovery is different for everyone, and women often come into AA with unique challenges that require real support, not stereotypes. Trauma-informed care, mental health resources, and spaces where women can share their stories without fear of judgment are essential.
Lastly, let’s recognize the strength of women in recovery. They’re not fragile; they’re resilient. They’re not a burden; they’re assets to the community. And most importantly, they’re not the enemy—they’re part of the solution.
If we want AA to be a place where everyone can heal, we have to stop perpetuating these toxic narratives. It’s time to see women for who they really are: complex, powerful, and deserving of every bit of dignity and respect that the program claims to offer. Because the truth is, we’re all fighting the same battle. And no one—man or woman—should have to fight it alone.
by Dan and Bonkers
SUPPORT MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS NOW!!!
